7 years

2,442 days ago
I held your hand
I watched the rise of your chest
and, God, it was so hard to see

I couldn't comprehend
how that light in your eyes
and the softness of your touch
was disappearing- like it was all just a dream

Maybe if I was stronger, or if I was
more outgoing, I would have called out your name,
in those minutes,
I would have told you how
I couldn't lose you

but, I hesitate,
I keep words to myself

the silence was the easiest part,
for a millisecond
we could believe,
this was all pretend

but, fact was
you were traveling to the light,
and they told me I could leave,
but, I needed to see you go

today,
I still see us gathered around you,
and I ache,
for everything I should've said

I plead for just a second more,
to meet your eyes,
just to smile,
& let you know,
I love you
oh so so much.

I have no excuse
because that's the thing
I had my goodbye

I was just too young and naive to understand
you were leaving me

now I want you
desperately

I can't call out your name
you don't exist anymore
and I can't search the earth for your stories
they'll never be told again

everyone is forgetting you
year by year

I don't remember you
but I never want to forget you

Never did I think
I could be this way
I am the center of your universe,
you grip my hand,
I close my eyes
and all I can see are the stars

Never did I imagine
I could hold my own weight, but yours as well
I stand tall
even when you let me go,
I close my eyes to the darkness,
but its still bright, and I remember
You've touched me everywhere

Never did I believe , my fears would vanish
and it's all because of you

Yet,
You don't understand
the impact you make
and every which way I phrase it
I can't capture how magnificent
you truly are

So this is my thank you,
this is my testament,
you're worth my whole world
and one day I hope you'll see
you're not ordinary
you've been a shining star this whole time