I learned how to frown- in silence
I learned what seeing your mother cry meant- in silence
I learned how to grow up- in silence
I learned to expect nothing but a mother- in silence
I learned speech therapy, I learned art therapy, I learned bribery- all in silence

Now sirens, cheering, yelling
Now bright yellows, tangy oranges, deep reds
All demanding

I’m a fish washed ashore
Hot sand- burning my fins
Bright sun blinding

I never thought they’d expect me to smile
I never thought happiness could affect me
I never thought laughter was real
I never expected to care about a male

And I never assumed, his love for me
Could give me a calm, peaceful silence
So different from everything I believed

When I publish a poem, it’s like climbing that scary mountain. Or finally riding the world’s fastest roller coaster.  All day you've worried about it, but as you walk off, you’re free. You’ve done it. It didn’t **** you. You’re not a mess of tears on the floor. Everything is good. That’s what poetry is. It’s joining a journey last minute and when you catch your breath, you realize, you’re more than just fine. You’re living, and there are no standards. You are the highest level, and whether the people around you climb higher, or travel farther, it doesn’t matter. You’re walking shoes are covered in dirt, and fraying at the soles, and that is more than enough. You and the words you create are more than enough.

she settles in sadness
she breathes in fear

his words are the windows
daring her to find someone near
yet, his hands are the doors
that isolate her from everyone

she lived in sadness
she breathed through fear

in the end
her tears were the structure,
too strong,
for her to disappear

after 14 years
I've never given you up
I need to
move on
I must

if they knew
they'd taunt
say 'what is wrong with you'

I cant
I've tried

hes stuck in my head
the pain- never ending
the questions- building
I'm never going to escape

so ask me who I am
maybe I should tell you, finally

whether he and I knew one other for a full life  or a day
we always will be inseparable

I am my father's daughter

I can't breathe
they're giving me oxygen

my eyes are heavy
they're softly reassuring me

I saw the sun
they told me it'd be the last light I'd see

today
I have your arms around me
your heart beating beside mine
I see more than light

I see a calm
I'd never thought I'd have again

This September
don't wait for my voice
don't watch for my smile
don't anticipate my touch

I'm silent once again

I know you don't understand
but
I don't even have the answers myself

silence is a huge part of me
a shadow, ready to take over

I know you get frustrated
but
save your anger

my silence doesn't need to affect you

... I'm sorry if it does

I don't need to mean anything, especially not to someone special like you.

Your silence does not taunt me anymore

I've learned to listen
not to your words
nor your actions

I listen to chirping birds
and buzzing bumble bees

you're haughty smile does not suffocate me anymore

I've learned to feel
not  your icy touch
nor your forceful grip

I feel the wind in my hair
and the sun dancing on my skin


I don't need your silence
I don't need your arrogant touch
I've learned to live
my soul and nature all in one