I lost my wit
when you stole my words
the smiles seemed enough

now I'm sitting here
alone again
everyone wonders why I'm bitter
every time, your name is on the tip of my tongue
but I spare you, again an again

I gained insecurity
when you left me for the dirt
the silence seems to be all I can handle

White resembles you
Because when I close my eyes, you are not there
White resembles you
Because when I gather the roses, you are not in my hands
White resembles you
Because when I enter the hospital, you are all I can see, all I can hear, all I can feel, all I can remember

I wanna feel normal
content
what I'm supposed to feel - beside you

beside you
shaking
I don't want to feel your rough hands
attacking mine

but, beside you
I do,
and the minutes between your goodbye & your hello
I'm wondering
where I went wrong

and months later
if I'm sitting alone
safe, I'll still feel your strength
terrorizing mine
because you've become
the voice inside my head

beside you
I've lost all control

From this point on
we won't speak again
our eyes dancing across one another-
a distant memory

we won't race
our legs grazing one another-
a feeling so far away

from this point on
I am numb

mornings I will spend
tracing the wall
catching each crack beneath my fingertips,
pondering
how the sunbeams seem to flow over each one

and if a tear falls down my cheek
I'll blame it on the dust
because I'm alone
and I'm perfectly *fine

I've been trying
trying  for so long

you've been crying
I've been screaming
why won't you listen to me
I've been like this for hours

now you're leaving
I can't stand
my legs, rooted to the ground
fog casting my eyes
you're gone

I told you no
no, I will help you
no, I will do everything I can
but you didn't listen

searching, grasping for something,
I remember
the minute our eyes met- they warned me
I thought I could make you listen
but now I'm alone- hoping I can be the one
to hear from you

what they don't see:
your hand entwined with mine,
how alive I am by your side

what they don't hear:
your deep voice, telling me
how strong I really am

what they don't realize:
they've been dreaming
of me, alone and lonely

but I'm the opposite
I've got you,
my secret warrior,
supplying me endorphins
loving me- better than they ever can

we're the victors
of this broken land,
secret warrior and I