I can't breathe
they're giving me oxygen

my eyes are heavy
they're softly reassuring me

I saw the sun
they told me it'd be the last light I'd see

today
I have your arms around me
your heart beating beside mine
I see more than light

I see a calm
I'd never thought I'd have again

This September
don't wait for my voice
don't watch for my smile
don't anticipate my touch

I'm silent once again

I know you don't understand
but
I don't even have the answers myself

silence is a huge part of me
a shadow, ready to take over

I know you get frustrated
but
save your anger

my silence doesn't need to affect you

... I'm sorry if it does

I don't need to mean anything, especially not to someone special like you.

Your silence does not taunt me anymore

I've learned to listen
not to your words
nor your actions

I listen to chirping birds
and buzzing bumble bees

you're haughty smile does not suffocate me anymore

I've learned to feel
not  your icy touch
nor your forceful grip

I feel the wind in my hair
and the sun dancing on my skin


I don't need your silence
I don't need your arrogant touch
I've learned to live
my soul and nature all in one

I lost my wit
when you stole my words
the smiles seemed enough

now I'm sitting here
alone again
everyone wonders why I'm bitter
every time, your name is on the tip of my tongue
but I spare you, again an again

I gained insecurity
when you left me for the dirt
the silence seems to be all I can handle

White resembles you
Because when I close my eyes, you are not there
White resembles you
Because when I gather the roses, you are not in my hands
White resembles you
Because when I enter the hospital, you are all I can see, all I can hear, all I can feel, all I can remember

I wanna feel normal
content
what I'm supposed to feel - beside you

beside you
shaking
I don't want to feel your rough hands
attacking mine

but, beside you
I do,
and the minutes between your goodbye & your hello
I'm wondering
where I went wrong

and months later
if I'm sitting alone
safe, I'll still feel your strength
terrorizing mine
because you've become
the voice inside my head

beside you
I've lost all control