April

April Apr 2015

The most beautiful thing about her
wasn't
her eyes a shade of dark blue,
her auburn hair that met her shoulders,
or even the smile that traced her lips in the darkest nights

Her beauty was in
the steady rise and fall of her chest
as her lungs breathed in and out

every second
she lived with a gentle grace
that even the lull of the analog clock
couldn't compare

At some point she became all I could relate
happiness to

and when I lost her
I mourned
through my sadness,
my confusion

I realized my world
now dark and dreary
lost its sense of beauty

Honestly I was sitting down and had my hand over my chest and I started thinking about how our hearts beat making our chest rise and fall.. and well that's what inspired this aha

#love #sad #life #lost #happiness #beautiful

April Apr 2015

April 6 2015

Don't tell me you understand
because you don't

at the age of three
you didn't lose your father

spend
countless therapy sessions
with brave smiles
and shaky trust

yes, I'm here now, barely
and you're trying to tell me
everything is going to be okay

but you're wrong

I'm searching for the type of love
only a father gives
and I can't bring myself to stop

I have this stupid belief that
he's out there
and this has all been a joke

but truly I've gotten it all backwards
I'm the joke
and if you knew how I really felt- surely you'd send me away

two in one night.. this is what happens when I'm alone.

#life #death #father

April Apr 2015

Can't Find Me

I'm not angry because you're gone
or because you're alone
and I don't wish, for you

I'm remembering
from that moment we met,
to that last word you spoke

And I'm angry, crying, wishing
because
you took a part of me

There's so many new faces, new places, new memories
but I'm trapped, buried beneath so much emotional baggage
and stupidly
I'm reaching, searching for that part you took
and every day I face sundown- empty handed

I'm solemn because... I don't think I'll ever
find the me, you carelessly tossed aside

finished for now... written from anger so idek it might ****.

#anger #life #hate

April Apr 2015

Listen to Me

My voice is not strong
and for that
no one understands
what- I'm really saying

They don't hear the apprehension
in my tone
or how each syllable
leaves my mouth the same way
a baby bird leaves their nest- fast an daring

and now
I'm telling my story
and there paying attention

yet they still don't understand
they peer, and they criticize
write notes
nod in understanding

but there not really *listening

very rhyme-y i think... hmm comments welcomed!! :) x

#life #thoughts

April Mar 2015

Persuade Me

At the edge
I was too close
now when I see the endless fall
I close my eyes
and strain to breathe

On the packed street
I was all alone
now when people surround me
I shake
and strain to breathe

In the car , sitting behind the wheel
the world started to spin- I had to switch seats
now when I try to drive
the tears drip
and I strain to breathe

Locked in my room
I wonder
why I try to breathe at all
when thoughts- dark and deep
persuade me

*I'm worth nothing at all

panic attacks- becoming more and more for me. And after every one I feel so horrible about myself. I'm trying to find something that can relieve these/make them go away.. but not so much luck yet. Might just have to start meds. Anyways.. feedback welcome :)

#sad #life #anxiety #panic #attacks

April Mar 2015

Help Me Sleep Again

So many nights
I now spend,
begging words
that have no meaning,
to the wall

And from darkness filled of empty spirits to
golden beams of sun
I sit
and wait

But

these eyes won't shut
and these thoughts won't leave
Maybe, i wonder, if- you return
will i be able to sleep again?

Comments/ critism always accepted :)

#love #sad #life #sleep

April Mar 2015

Only a Friend

I can not stand up and cheer
it's your victory
but I can not show I care
in fact, I can not show my face

because

under the stars
twisting the grass through our fingers, our hands met
when we heard the crickets singing to their friends, our eyes met
and that night, my heart met yours

and since that time
the green grass
and the calls of the crickets
remind me

your heart pushed mine aside
when you called me only a 'friend'

so I can not stand tall
show my face, let you see me blush
I can only support you from afar
I'm only a friend

this might **** idk :)

#love #life #friend