I was a sunflower;

in all my colorful glory
a happy sight to behold
—more to my nature than could be imagined.

But you preferred roses;

Soft.
With petals that called your fingers
to linger as they please.

I just want it to end.

The hopelessness, the fear,
the constant critic in my head:
I've lived with them all for too long.

All I've ever known is this war, this endless battle.
There's nothing wrong with wanting it to end.
To wish that it didn't is cruel.

But why can't the best solution be the simplest?
Why do I have to keep fighting?

At times it's deafening,
and I'm so exhausted.

Why can't I just lay down in no man's land
and let this battle fall silent around me?

Why can't that be the end?

Because... I'll never know what's possible.

I am ashamed
At how broken i am.
I apologize
For the amount of stress
I may cause in the midst of your
Efforts of trying to keep me held together.
I apologize
that i continue to fall apart
Before your glue has time to dry.
I apologize
That every time you pick a piece of me up,
Yet another breaks.
I am trying.
You are fixing me slower than i am breaking,
And i am ashamed.
Thank you.
Thank you for not giving up
On a broken piece of nothing.

I have kissed boys

Girls

People in between

But lately I have been kissing bottles

Their lips are colder than yours

But slowly I have realized that the pounding headache when I wake is less hurtful than the shattering in my chest

Yet as these toxins rush through my veins

I can't help but miss the tracing of your fingers along my skin

Miss the numbness of the world when you lie with me

But when I wake I remember that a headache is treated with an aspirin

While heartache

Well if you have a cure for Heartache let me know

I walked down,
down the street,
searching for a place nowhere to be found,
A place to hide,
A place to survive,
Searching a place to acquire
what?Hospitality.
A place where there is,
No xenophobia,
Racism,
nor rapists but,
Where there is peace,
Love,
Kindness and well-being.
One nation, different languages.

I refrain from walking,
And looked around the place,
Which I called a "Quest",
I searched but I obtained
a little.
I cried but I was,
heard by the few.
I asked but,
but a few replied.
One nation, different languages.

Once upon a time,
Our leaders said,
said we are one nation,
Our leaders said,
we are the rainbow nation.

A rainbow does not lose,
Its colours,
It trap them,
As a chicken covering it chicks.
One nation, different languages.

On my own,
The gun busted with a loud sound,
The children ran to their parents,
Chicks to their chicken parents,
Cubs to their lion parents,
Friend to  friend,
Worshipers to their gods,
I cried,
no one show empathy,
I shouted no one heard,
I seek,
Every week
every hour but I was,
On my own