AndSoOn: Poems

Tired

AndSoOn Jan 2014

Tired

When I'm so tired but I don't want to go to sleep
I just fight against myself, trying to stay awake.
Into my mind, I just watch, I 'm falling deep
Into my body, but still, I feel no ache.

When I'm so tired that I don't feel anything
I just try to inspire me and let me dream.
I may be a bird, even with a broken wing
I may be a storm, even follow your stream.

I'm a butterfly who lives one day long
I'll die every nights, I'll reborn every mornings.
My life is a carpe diem, but not so strong
I fake everyday, I'm fake for you beings.

You, earth, God, Jesus, Allah: observe !
Whatever you name is, my lord,
Give me back what I deserve
There is nothing more than I can afford.

To Please

AndSoOn Sep 2017

To Please

I have looked, over and over,
I've screened my body
I don't like what I see.

I stopped eating and blamed myself,
It changed bit by bit
And I still do not like it...

I have been told I'm too much,
I'm too dark, too broken
I want to change my image.

I stopped talking and blamed myself
People do like me more this way
But I started writing again...

Then I understood :
I don't have to please others
When I'm the one living with myself.

#myself #proud #body #shame #blame

Trapped In Lost Thoughts

AndSoOn Feb 2016

Trapped In Lost Thoughts

I feel trapped
In a mind unable to decide
In a body not capable of saying no
In a torrent of unreachable thoughts

I am trapped
In a unwanted life and situation
In a perfect relationship
With a man I admire

It's a trap
Because it went too fast
Because I feel it wasn't a choice
Because I don't know !

And I feel lost
In a world too big and too small
In a place where I meet him everyday
In a room that is supposed to be home

#man #sad #lost #breakup #trapped #unwanted #dispointed

Where Do I Go From Now?

AndSoOn Jul 2015

Where Do I Go From Now?

I know,
I have friends.
Still,
I feel alone.
I know,
I kind of have a family.
Still,
They keep running away.
I know,
I am loved.
Still,
It keeps getting less and less.
I know,
There may be light left.
Still,
I leave in the shadow of my life.
I know,
I can still find positive aspects in life.
Still,
It keeps being harder and harder.

So,
Where do I go from now ?
I know,
I keep going backwards.
Still,
I hope the wind will turn,

And I may be truly smiling again,
In a few days, weeks, months or years.

#lonely #alone #time #recovery

Yet I Had To

AndSoOn Sep 2019

Yet I Had To

I promised you I would stay
I promised you I would never leave you ...

And yet I did.

I said I would love you forever
I said I would accept you despite everything

And I do.

You showed me love like no one before
You showed me control like no one before

And so I left.

I was not enough, I would never be enough
But I love you enough ... And it was not enough.

And yet I don't love you any less ...

Forever yours

#love #breakup #hard

You

AndSoOn Jan 2014

You

If only you knew
Those feelings I have for you.
If only I knew
Do you miss me as I miss you ?
If only you knew
The sadness in my eyes when I think of you
If only I knew
Where does it go with you ?
If only you knew
The black side of my mind that is you
If only I knew
How to not believe in you ?
If only you knew

*I love you ?

— The End —