I know you half expect me to smile
when you tell me to
and you think that it doesn't burn
to rub away your beating breaths
when i'm constantly wrapped up
in off-white polyester
weathering alone between the sheets
you'll probably forget the shape of my mind
when you tried relentlessly to mold it into
something you could hold
i promise you're no monster
but you're not from this world
you're out of place,
this town always had a bitter taste
for you

I get a kick out of the inhale
the exhale even more so
my pockets never overflow
i'm a victim of the system
if you say so
load me up with pills
until my pupils turn to dust
you can't see it, but I can feel it
as far as you're concerned,
a filthy lucre is all you need
to watch me fall into
an inhale and an exhale of a hollow life
where both sadness and happiness
come in the form of indifference
because if you're telling the truth,
the pills aren't doing their job

you probably don't care
but someone does
you probably never asked
but then again,
no one did.

sorry for smelling like
cigarette smoke and staring
at you all the time and
never being able to smile.
sorry i'm always sad and
for having a shaky voice
when you tell me beautiful words
that weren't made for
someone like me.

it's no surprise
that my once tiny waist
filled up too much empty space
and air to breathe
would scarcely be
enough for me
to fall asleep
but now that it's over
I guess i'm never really sober
you told me wasted space
can never be replaced
I guess i proved you wrong

words
it was all words
because you repeat them
over and over and over again
but not to me

I hope you meant it to someone.

i'm following a script of what to do
what to say, how to think, how to not think
because you tell me to
but i'm burning pages and setting fire
to all that I had felt before

but see
my lips are a little chapped
and my eyes are bloodshot
my mouth is a little dry
and there's blood running down my nose
i'm flipping pages
i can barely breathe

like always
the ink is bleeding
literally bleeding red
and scribbles turn into cuts
i open my eyes
but all i can see
are crushed up pills
in the Rx bottle I used to be