you've told me time and time again
that i was too much for you
but did you ever stop to consider
how you were not enough for me?

when i look at you
i want to feel nothing
but i feel everything
and my chest hurts.

my problem
was holding on too tight
but even knowing this
i would hold onto you
forever

i want you to love me so much
that i light myself on fire
do you notice how i burn
do you see how i hurt
i want you

the pain of losing someone
who has not passed
is perhaps the most painful thing i have
had to overcome.
to live, and coexist
but to be strangers

please take my bones and press them to dust. take my heart and crush it in a fist. wrap a cord around my neck and tie me to my grave. give me something to feel that isn't just the  longing  and  waiting  and  fearing . rename me insolence, save i die gentility; as quiet as the almost we shared.