Monday 10:20 PM
I drank hot tea once you left and I guess I drank it too soon. I burned my ******* mouth.  I think that has a correlation to you leaving me.

Monday 11:00 PM
Please come back.  Please don't really leave.  You promised to always stay.

Monday 11:11 PM
Please, I'm sorry.  I'm begging for you.

Tuesday 12:04 AM
leaves voicemail sobbing

Tuesday 12:25 AM
We can work through this, please. You promised.

Tuesday 1:40 AM
Goodnight, my love. I'll love you forever.

Tuesday 6:00 AM
I hardly slept, I woke up clenching my pillow craving it to be you instead.  It wasn't.  Will it ever be you again?

Tuesday 7:17 AM
I'm not handling this too well.  I really need you.

Tuesday 12:00 PM
I'm going to try and work... I love you.

Tuesday 12:05 PM
leaves voicemail sobbing uncontrollably Work called me off.  I think that's a sign for me to cope at home.  However, I was looking forward to staying busy.

Tuesday 2:37 PM
I love you with my entire being.  Please think about this.  You're ending 9 months in one day.

Tuesday 11:00 PM (INCOMING TEXT)
I hope you're doing okay.

Tuesday 11:01 PM
I've missed you so much.  I'll be okay.

Tuesday 11:10 PM
Please tell me you love me.

Wednesday 1:30 AM
I love you, sweet dreams.

Wednesday 7:30 AM
Good morning, still little sleep.  I can't stop thinking of you.  I wish I could skip work today, I don't really know what's happening to my body right now.  

Wednesday 2:00 PM
I'm trying to hide from everyone at work.  This is really ******* hard.  It's hard to try and act okay while providing good first impressions.

Wednesday 6:00 PM
Can I come over?

Wednesday 6:40 PM
Is it too soon to see you?  Please say no.  I need you.

Wednesday 7:00 PM (INCOMING)
Yes, it's too soon.

Thursday 6:02 AM
I haven't ******* slept at all.  I need to hear your voice.  I keep listening to your voicemail's, but I only get 5 seconds in without crying.  I shouldn't have made you everything.  Now, my everything is gone and not okay.  I'm not okay.  I should have made you at least a little less of everything, so maybe I would be a little OK.  Maybe I would be able to recover that way.

Thursday 12:00 PM
I'm at work again.  It's just as hard.  You're not with me and I've hardly slept this week.  If you were with me though, I'm sure I wouldn't sleep either.  My heart has been pounding out of my chest this entire week. I can't eat either. These have been the only consistencies this week.  That and my dizziness.  I have been so ******* dizzy.  Everything is always spinning.

I know what I have with you is real because I used to hate looking in the mirror and now it's all I ever do.  I'm always taking pictures and sending them to you without even second glancing them. I used to hate the way my stomach folded over my underwear, but now I'm always laying naked with you. I know what we have is real because I see potential in myself I never thought I could obtain.  And for the first time, my dreams are higher than my insecurities.  I know what we have is real because the pain I used to inflict on myself seems like such an obscure way to handle things, but at the time it seemed completely rational.  Now I realize how scary that is.  I know what we have is real because every time I look at you I forget every bad thing that's ever happened to me.  I forget about the time my mother took back the man who gave me a concussion.  I forget about the time whats-his-name threw me into a locker for going to see a movie with my girl friends.  I forget about the time that one guy tried to have *** with me when I was 13 and he was a senior.  I forget about how he put my hand around his **** because I refused to give him a *******.  I forget how I begged him to let me call my mom, even though I knew I'd face consequences for sneaking out with my girl friend so she could see her boyfriend. I know what I have with you is real because for the past 4 years I've thrown up 90% of my meals.  I haven't thrown up in months because I love the skin I'm in.       I know what we have together is real because I used to never think dying was a big deal.  I thought, "well, why is it a big deal? I'll be dead, there's no way I could be sad about dying."  Now, I take precautions to stay alive.  Now, I don't want to die.  I want to be alive.  I don't think bucket lists are silly anymore.  I don't think it's okay to be at random parks alone at 3 AM drugged out of my mind.  I don't think, "whatever happens to me happens."  I know what we have together is real because the second I met you was the second I regained my innocence.  The day we met was the day I began to fall back in love with myself and see who I am through your eyes, which is oh so differently than my fallacious vision.

When you left, you took pieces of me I didn't even know I had.  The day you left, I thought my world had ended.  I don't use that as an exaggeration either, although I wish I could.  I remember not being okay for quite some time.  I remember not wanting to get out of bed and I remember hating waking up, knowing it was another day spent praying to reach your voicemail, since I knew you answering the phone was not an option.  I remember falling asleep the same way.  I remember seeing you everywhere even when you were 100 miles away.  Your touch still lingers on my skin and it's always seeping into my veins. I cry you out just for you to be absorbed again.  Your words are embedded into my head and they're stuck like a record player on repeat.  Your smell has stained all of my clothes and even my ******* sheets.  I toss and turn all night and I get whiffs of you every ******* time I do.  Our memories are constantly spilling out everywhere we go....they leak through the walls and drown the floor.  I cried throughout the days I saw my mother whisper, "you're killing yourself" and although the pain never stopped throughout that time, I wouldn't take it back.  Now, my eyes have widened.  I have known love and I have known loss.