it has been wonderful
sharing this beautiful life with you
but as they say, all good things must come to an end


and i guess this is it
this is our 'end'

What do you expect me to think?
You've gone silent,
Off radar,
Your presence I no longer feel,
So I question 'are you even real?'

No messages no texts,
Yet I know you're there,
Enjoying my pain,
And with jealousy,
Feasting on my happiness.

I loved you once,
But now you've turned.
Like the tide or the wind,
You are unpredictable,
But I,
I am finished.

For too long I have tried to hide my sorrow,
That it no longer exists.
For too long I have kept the fire going,
Without a single kiss.

I am the one you long for,
You've had your chance,
Now I'm leaving,
And you're not getting one glance.

every once in awhile
i'll stumble across something that reminds
me
of you
a song
a picture
text messages
a word
sometimes even
a smell
and i'm suddenly plunged into the sadness I
once felt
but after a split second
it disappears
as if it was
                    never
                                 even
                                            there
leaving me thinking
that you never
really were

When I die,
I do not want vacuous truths at my written eulogy.
I do not want people hear lies about me.

“She was beautiful.”
I am not. I was not.
Beautiful people knew how to dress.
They do not act like an awkward mess.

“She was strong and brave.”
I am not. I was not.
Strong and brave people do not cry themselves to sleep.
They do not consider themselves as a heap

“She was smart.”
I am not. I was not.
Smart people are not afraid of choices they make.
They are confident about the risks they take.

Before I die,*
I want you to know that I am dull, anxious and dumb.
I am broken and small like a piece of crumb.