Alex A d r i a n: Poems

7.8k · Dec 2017

Alex A d r i a n Dec 2017

I am an artist,
Though I cannot paint.
I cannot write a novel.
I cannot act in a film.

Yet I am an artist,
My paintbrush is my razor.
My story is told through my tears.
My film is life and my smile-
is the main character.

I am an artist,
An artist with a dark truth.
A hidden story,
And a made up happy ending.
I am an artist,
An artist that has ran out of space-
for my crimson creativity.
An artist that has cried my last story;
An artist that has pretended for the last day.

I am an artist,
An artist who has done my time,
And has been beaten by sadness.
I am an artist,

An artist who’s art is not appreciated.
An artist who never reach the height of- worlds noticeability,
An artist whose art will die as I do.

I was an artist,
Until my art took over me,
And now – I exist not.

#call #lifedawn #sadness #silence #asleepalone

2.5k · Jan 2018

I’m nobody’s child,

Alex A d r i a n Jan 2018

I’m nobody’s child,

I’m nobody’s child,
I’m nobody’s child
I’m like a flower just growing wild
No mommy’s kisses and
no daddy’s smiles
Nobody wants me,
Because I’m nobody’s child.

I can’t seem to understand
Why the folks all pass me by
‘Cause I know it’s true that
I will die and go far away in the sky.

A place I want to leave behind,
but always blaring in my mind.
I cannot run and cannot hide.
from the darkness that lies inside.
the answers I seek to find.
questions I donno of which kind.

My body so cold and eyes are dry.
No mother’s arms to hold me when I cry.
Sometimes it gets so lonely here.
I wish I could die and go there.
And I don't wanna see those face
That I don't care!

Because I’m nobody’s child,
I’m nobody’s child.
I’m like a flower just growing wild.
No mommy’s kisses and
No daddy’s smiles,
Nobody wants me,
And I’m nobody’s child.

1.6k · Dec 2017

My Birthday

Alex A d r i a n Dec 2017

My Birthday

Today’s my birthday,
Guess I’ll get some cake.
Maybe a glass of milkshake,
To celebrate
The date.
Birthday of Alex.
Once I get off work,
It’ll be a real big celebration.
With all my friends,
This day will not be filled with frustration.
Today’s feeling different,
Today’s feeling green,
Then I come home and
I open the door,
All as I can see,
An empty room!
Then I start to see my old friends,
Anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts creep in.
They open up gifts of loneliness and disappointment,
calamity, pani,
Heartbroken.
I figure it’s time to blow my candle,
See ya world,
That’s all the birthdays I can handle!

29August was my birthday and I just felt those words.

#sad #birthday #alone #depression #anxious #angst #crying #darkemotions

567 · Dec 2017

R È D.

Alex A d r i a n Dec 2017

R È D.

Red.

all I see is red.

when the knife falls

to the floor. I dont feel

anything though I just see

and I see the red . l think and l

think of all the people i’m leaving.

And i get a towel also band aid.

And I clean up my cut. And I

take a deep breath then

I move on because

tomorrow is a

brand new

day.

#alone #angstcrying #red #blood #lost #emotions #feelings #depression #newdays

501 · Jan 2018

"Love is a memory"

Alex A d r i a n Jan 2018

"Love is a memory"

Love is a memory,
Forgotten in time.

Love is a memory,
A story, that I left behind.

Love is a memory,
Of all the lies that I ever knew,
in lie of truth.

Love is a memory,
On the digital analogy particles of my soul.

Love is a memory,
One I choose to lose.

Love is a memory,
That I will give back to the dark.

Love is a memory,
That once little a silent spark.

Love is a memory,
In the wastelands that is, I.

Love is a memory,
In a forgotten corner of my mind.

Love is a memory,
Like that of a forgotten dream.

Love is a memory,
The forgotten and unwanted parts of me.

Love is a memory,
A battlefield, in which I stand alone.

Love is a memory,
That has left me out in the cold.

Love is a memory,
One to which, I now choose not to know.

Love is memory,
Burned into my soul.

Love is a memory,
That I choose not to know.

Love is…
Love is…
Love is…
A memory.

#love #memory

407 · Jan 2018

Void

Alex A d r i a n Jan 2018

Void

Shaking violently;
Plunged into a dark,
Wet abyss,
Tiny bubbles escape me.
Each containing
A dream,
An idea,
A memory.
Futilely,
I gasp;
Trying to breathe
them back in.
Filling myself with vacuity.
The bubbles slowly
dissipate.
I become what
nothing is.

.

379 · Apr 2018

She's Not Alone

Alex A d r i a n Apr 2018

She's Not Alone

In the sky
I see a woman
She’s smiling but her eyes
Oh, to gaze into her eyes
They cry down sallow cheeks
The creases fill with salt
And drop into the ocean
Each night it slowly fills up
When I was small
Looking out onto the grassed terrace
Seeing her tears flow
I cried too
And realised
She was like me
Me and the Moon
We’re never alone
We cry together

=

308 · Dec 2018

Untitled

Alex A d r i a n Dec 2018

Untitled

My
**** is
Bigger than
Your
Heart.

210 · Apr 2018

2 Tattoos

Alex A d r i a n Apr 2018

2 Tattoos

I enjoy covering up my skin with different designs.
My skin is attached to my body.
My body is something I do not like.
So by covering my skin
I am initially covering my body.

209 · May 2018

The Moon

Alex A d r i a n May 2018

The Moon

In the sky
I see a man
He’s smiling but his eyes
Oh, to gaze into his eyes
They cry down sallow cheeks
The creases fill with salt
And drop into the ocean
Each night it slowly fills up
When I was small
Looking out onto the grassed terrace
Seeing his tears flow
I cried too
And realised
He was like me
Me and the Moon
We’re never alone
We cry together

201 · Apr 2018

Ugly People

Alex A d r i a n Apr 2018

Ugly People

He dreams that the world
would stop judging him

by

the clothes he wears
or the bed he shares
or the skin he tears.

187 · Mar 2018

I am From

Alex A d r i a n Mar 2018

I am From

I am from everlasting irrational fears about the most unrealistic situations.

i am from sleepless nights thinking about the unanswerable questions and feeling scared to dream.

i am from a good home, yet i still have problems,

i am from being made fun of because of my race, something that i had no control over

i am from jumbled thoughts that never seem to cease

i am from rainy days that are the only thing that seem to bring me joy

i am from feeling no hope about my future,

i am from ****** up feelings about what’s going on around me,and a longing heart to be accepted for who i am.

i am from people who were scared of me because i spoke of death and decay.

i am from believing there is no god in this universe.

I am from the country where people can **** me for my beliefs.

i am from wishing i was never born, So i would’ve never had to experience this hell called life.

i am from days where i feel completely lost in direction to thinking i know exactly what is in store for me.

i am from hating just about everything about myself and days where i just want to end it all.

i am from blaring music in my ears that when i take out my earbuds i can hear a distant ringing.

i am from trying to look for the best in every situation to giving up and always assuming the worst.

169 · Jan 2018

It’s been a while,

Alex A d r i a n Jan 2018

It’s been a while,

I had a dream last night
where i blinked
and you were gone.

A lifetime had passed
between the two of us
i had become old
and feeble and frail.
and the world was so different
without you there.

I looked for you everywhere
asked everyone if they’d seen you.
and i cried,
as you slipped further and further away.

But i kept going
with my weak little heart
and my teary eyes
and aching body.

And i lived for you
for the both of us
for the memory
of your smile
and the sound of your voice.

The pieces of my weak little heart,
shifting with every stitch,
every clumsy thread meant to pull me back together,
kept pumping
kept thumping
kept beating
kept living.

And i laughed
when i felt our fingers intertwine
for the first time in forever
i laughed until i cried.

Then i woke up,
uncertain, unsure
if this was a dream come true,
until i found you,
and my heart healed once more.

#dream #alone #miss #broken

— The End —