That night was our (my) Polaris,
where I thought our futures would take us.
I suppose it wasn't Polaris because you left me with my future, not ours.
I wished for the stars to take us where we thought we'd be, but I guess I wished for dust in the desert.
The stars took back their promises.

If there's a way out of this thick dead skin, show me.
If there's a way to be alive despite my thick dead skin, I need to know.
If there's a way to slice through this thick dead skin, hand over a thick sharp blade.
If there's a way out of this thick dead skin, I'll find us again.

I am a rotten apple.
I am gray and dry,
I rolled in the mud.
I am covered in white fluff,
and it crawls over my skin
so I am no longer an apple.
I am a host for dirt and filth.

My thumb hasn't hovered over a button for so long until today.
Today I said something, and now I need to make myself pay.
It came in the form of guilt and shame.
A mistake this big cost me a shyness I only ever felt at the beginning of all this.
This is the price of betrayal; a hesitance to send a message, the fear of rejection, and a shame of repeating grave mistakes.

It's bright in here and I don't know what's outside.
But I'm sure that it's bright here.
I'll stay here. It's safe inside.

chase the clouds away
anger in its wake
a hurricane, a storm
frustration takes form
let my rain speak
let it be gentle
but let the sky darken over it
let the waves toss ships
and let the wind destroy your home
let the cyclone
awaken your caution

but it's all in my head