I can only write you
as grouped letters meaningful to me
and symbols whose meanings only i can see
but never as words as beautiful
or depictions as perfect as you

I won't be moving forward
nor will I be stepping back
I'll just stay here still and still
and expect you to stay
with me
and need you to stay
with me
and want you to stay
with me
and have you
with me

But you are never
those fantasies
You're the truth too sane
to point out there can never be
we
or both of us

At the end of the day,
all is the same
you remain the last thought on my mind
before I sleep
in strong comfort that's not
strong enough to
let me momentarily forget
you one bit

Not one bit

i.

summer stained your arms
with the rays of sunshine
that spill through to you
and you wear it proudly
wear the crown of thorns
placed on your head
by someone who’s long gone


ii.

last night i was singing
about seeing you again
and i don’t think i will
maybe i’ll go to the peak
of the highest mountain
and i’ll count everyone i can
and come down when it’s enough
that you might have been one of them


iii.

i’ll leak drizzle onto my palms
i’ll stay still till i rust
and then turn into dust
and people plant flowers
where my mind used to be
and the wolves and girls
will cry, cry for me
until the babies i had
finally learn to speak

we talked through the night
of love and future lovers
but never of us

Bitterly clinging to my skin,
the windows of your car have frozen over.
4:00 AM
and you're curling up to me,
making jokes in my ear.
I've forgotten who we are
to compensate for who we were.