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ATC Apr 2015
I wanted answers but all you did was kiss me.

I know that doesn't seem complex,
yet when the twin towers were hit the
conspiracies rose as the people fell.

Who was really in charge of all of this?

I believe that question belonged to both my
situation and the nation.

I thought to myself that you'll talk
and tell me about what was going on in
your mind and if you felt the same way.

But that was like hoping for a blind man to explain
the fear in the people's eyes as they
ran away from the city's blocks of smoke.

For a blind man wouldn't comment on what he couldn't see,
just how you couldn't see how much I cared about you
therefore you didn't comment
let alone compliment.

While they searched for bodies,
I searched for body language.

The aftermath of the towers falling resulted
with no air traffic for a week above the U.S.,
people reported that
the skies had never looked so blue.
I was told the same after the word
"us" had fallen.

I wanted answers but all you did was leave me
with conspiracies questioning if this end was planned.
ATC Apr 2015
I tried kissing poetry onto your lips but
I pulled away with a chipped tooth
and a scramble of words swimming
in my mind.

I am still trying to drain out them out
three weeks later.

I know that we are not meant to be.

My dear,
your head just seems to be so high up in the clouds
that they fog your mind and I am lost in it.

You are not searching for clarity
and we are walking blindly.
Me and this guy made out before he left for college. I never really knew where we stood or how he felt about me.
ATC Apr 2015
You are an attic that my thoughts are still lost in.
Your mind is cluttered with ideas, kindness, secrets and confessions,
all covered under thick dusty blankets of bland conversations.
Every time the sun hit a part of your mind,
you revealed a memory and I like a child
oohed and ahhed at this over told story.

Despite the floorboards creaking “baby you don’t mean a thing” and dust lingering with the goodbye that will never be said,
it was my favorite place.

I would try bringing up my own newspaper clippings and photo albums but there never was enough room in this attic I suppose.

I remember one night I spotted poetry painted on the wall
hidden behind a pile of blankets and your record player voice cracked with the words ‘you're beautiful’ and ‘you're perfect’.
But maybe the words were already painted for somebody else
and You’re voice caught on the vinyl of the moment.

Darling they told me that a family from Utah is
moving in next week,
I hope they treat you well.

Darling the door has been locked and boarded without a warning
I saw this prompt on twitter one time and really was inspired to write on it. I liked this guy so much and to be honest still do. It seems like we talked about him a lot so that was the bland conversations and over told stories part. I knew he didn't think of me the same way and I knew we were never going to talk about things that I wanted to discuss. We had kissed and cuddled a lot and he told me those words about beauty and perfection but I don't think he meant them. He was leaving for college in Utah. He seems to be doing just fine. Things are done and over with.
ATC Apr 2015
Three evenings ago,
I blasted my music so sharply
that my melancholy heart
began beating to the rhythm of that old song
I used to play when I was trying to forget about you.

This is the second goodbye.

The first goodbye,
there were whirlpools in my heart and
tsunamis in my eyes.
My words were barbed with unexpected truths
that grazed deeply,
don’t worry your words in response required
medical assistance after as well.

The first goodbye was displaced by a deafening silence
that forced me to write so that
I would be comforted by listening to my pen slide
along the paper or my fingertips
skate along the keyboard.

The whirlpools in my heart and
tsunamis in my eyes brought you waves
three months later
but by then I no longer desired noise to help
cover up the excruciating silence for I
was finally sleeping peacefully at night.

Three months later you acted
as if I was a lighthouse and you
were a sailor longing for the shore because
the waves you felt were too strong,
as if I could and would help guide you out of this.
You sent me messages hoping I would give
the signal to bring you back,
but let me repeat myself,
you weren’t longing for me, you were longing for the shore.
You were searching for guidance
that would then bring you to safety and then
once everything was sound and safe,
you would abandon the shore and
discover the roads that people drive on and forget their way back.

Time in one way or another had shortened the distance between us.

But now this is the second goodbye.

The sun is shining, the air is warm and flowers are blooming.
This may not be rambunctious and crushing like the previous tsunamis and whirlpools but do know,
it’s as constant as the waves crashing on to the shore,
day after day after day.
The waterline being recreated wave after wave
acting as a quiet banner that reads:

“I’ve made it this far without you and
I’ll do it again and again and again.”
ATC Apr 2015
You say you dont love him
but there is a pang in your chest
when you say the word
don’t. Guilt reaches
to the tips of your fingers as you hold his hand
at the movies and your legs are
so heavy you walk slowly to the car after the credits finish,
its as if you are trying to savor the moment together.

You don’t love him
but you let him sing along to his favorite songs
in the car and text pretty girls.
You don’t love him yet the song lyrics
envelope you in the middle of the night and
when you see him again you can’t breath.

You don’t love him yet
you look back to that time where the two of you
were laughing so much
in the kitchen late one night to
the point where you both couldn’t stand,
I think there are burn marks on the floor where
he stood but you can’t bare to check.

You say you don’t love him but
you speak to him with too nice of words
and play his heart hoping that he would end
up falling in love
with the game you’ve been using to play with it.

You don’t love him but you
hold back the urge to kiss him.

You don’t love him because
although you are the one that
cares as much as the mountains are tall,
the care will rush away like an avalanche
when then one finally is introduced.

You don’t love him
because if you did he would end up with a broken heart
ATC Apr 2015
Lets not lie to ourselves, a bit of forever is lost when goodbyes are exchanged.
ATC Apr 2015
Trains passing through the station are so loud that they scream second guesses into our eardrums about leaving.
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