it's so relaxing to me
sitting outside at 3 in the morning
with nothing but the starry sky
and creatures of the night

I feel as if I'm becoming one
a creature of the night that is
I'm only at ease at times like this

every inch of this town holds a memory I don't want to remember.
every single ******* memory was with you.
we danced in my front yard
went swimming in the lake
ran through the forests together
walked all around our neighbor hoods
I talk about you like you were my lover
but you were more than that
you were my best friend
we spent every waking moment together that we could
you lived only a walk away
and now you hate me
you hate me because I ruin everything I touch
every friendship I have rots to hell
I want you back in my life but you won't have me
come back
please
come back

this house is toxic
but I can't keep away
it tears me down
only to build me back up
and repeat the process

it's filled with memories
of my past life
and it only hurts to be here
suicide attempts
and lost friendships
fill every room

how do I escape this house

you dont understand
and i cant explain

"There is no poetic beauty in pain."
I am learning this slowly.
My hands still shake when it's past 2 in the morning
and breathing isn't easy most nights.
I am not poignant with my words
and some days it's hard to get out of bed.

This is my adolescence:
A tangled mess of dismantled almosts
and empty promises scribbled messily on the back of restaurant napkins.
It's stolen kisses in sleepy coffee shops,
failing chemistry,
driving recklessly,
and staying up late on lonely nights to watch the sunrise.

There are days where I'm convinced life shines
with a brilliance unknown to me,
so I continue on and live for those days.
Those days where breathing comes a little easier and I remind myself
that everything happens for a reason.
I hope you find these days where all you know is basked in a vibrance you've only read about.

Live for those days.
Live for me.