sluggishly whispering hints
hoping you would notice
instead obliviously ignoring the obvious

a vial with a drop of truth
an ocean with a spill of lies
but blaming you for being blind

watching you watch her
feathers in your eyes welcomed me
truthfully really allured her

instead i blamed you for my mistakes
but knew i was suppressing a bittersweet reality
truthfully only wanting all i couldnt

i’ve heard fairy tails that couldn’t have sounded
better
than your soft voice
as you tell me the bed time story
that was now only a
string of words so familiar to me like my own
name.

i’ve dreamed in beds that couldn’t nearly make up for the
satisfaction
that i felt when you wrapped me in your tender arms,
after a long day,
i heard the shouts and
screams
and tears that were all now too only
familiar
sounds to me

but up close, when you lay next to me,
a new noise found me.

in between more liquid beads of trust
rolling
down your cheeks onto mine
i heard the words that no
child
desired to hear.

and I didn't want to
fall for you
because falling only leads to
scraped knees and
****** bandages

but I enjoyed the beautiful
sunrises that appeared on my
legs and hands
and I kept begging for more
forbidden pain until I was
numb to you

but the amount of scars left on my
canvas of a body today couldn't
add up to the regret I
felt for not having
fallen
hard
enough.