After  many years in the basement,
behind a green tattersall shirt,
next to a plum colored robe,
is my gray tweed sports jacket;
sadly hanging like an old man’s *******,

inside the left breast pocket rests
the funeral  program of a man
I have learned not to hate,
or to become a semblance,
and god ******, I have not;
I still have time remaining.

I opened a book
A book full of my feelings and emotions
But when I tried to show you
All there was
Were blank pages

8 nights before;

she leaves
her house
with paint
on her fingers.
pen on her legs
covered in ink
especially marker
she never paid attention
in class. because it was
all too boring
for the world inside her head.
she’s on the bus
music blasting through her
earbuds.
and she doesn’t
want anyone to hear it;
only herself.
but you can still hear it.
it’s on high.
‘ a certain romance ‘
by arctic monkeys
what a lovely tune
she closes her eyes;
to cover the tears
that were supposed to
be fled 8 nights before

At all times
We are loved
At all times
We are looking
Inside trying to
find the truth
At all times
We doubt
We wonder
Why we are here
At all times
We question
Ourselves
We wonder
Why things
Are the way
They are
At all times
We must
Remember
We are whole
We are loved
To make it
Through the day
You must
Remember
At all times
My friend so
You can make
It through the day
Never forget the
Lessons from your past
At all times
Never let go
Of who you are inside.

I ***** a finger - scribe in red
But lord, oh how I miss my pen.

Yet on I write - I glance, assess
If beauty lurks among the mess...

Not near enough. I slice a vein,
Wipe my face and dive again.

Don't you think it's strange?
Since you left me alone.
We were once
only one person.
I did not know where
you ended and I began.
Now we are two total strangers
That know all the expressions
of love that exist
in each other hearts.

I wish i was brave enough
to answer honestly when you ask if I'm okay.

I wish I was strong enough
to demand your attention
and hold it for more than
five seconds.

and if I could hear you tell me
that you love me
or that I am worthwhile
maybe it would help
me stop feeling the way I feel.

but I am bruised and battered
just like always
and could you ever see any beauty in
the likes of me?

yeah, right.
I wish.

How can I tell you
all the things I wish you knew?

like how when your voice takes an edge
and I have to bite my lip to keep from flinching?

or how I wish I was calmer or that I wish you would pay me more mind?

or how I look into your eyes
and see universes beyond this one?

or how your smile fills my heart just right
and your laugh makes it over flow?

how can I tell you?

that your kiss feels like the birth of a thousand new stars
or that your hand in mine is exactly what I imagine home should feel like?

how am I supposed to tell you
without breaking?