i promised you i wouldn't be the same, that i wouldn't hurt you again,
that i wouldn't drag you by the same leash i'd done for weeks before.
if only i'd known
how to get in touch with my true feelings.
im so weak, so insecure, so jealous, but for what?
you promised me there was no one else. you promised me you wouldn't leave.
you said to me, your heart yearned for me.
yet i still dragged you by the same leash, over concrete and through dirt,
through hell and back.
i watched you suffer, bruised and ****** knees, only stopping when you tried to break free.
i should've known you'd break free.
i should've known my pathetic ways would cause you to leave me crying in my room for hours straight, repeating the same questions in my corrupt mind.
how could i have been so stupid ?
why am i so insecure?
why am i so selfish?
i've learned my lesson now.
i can only apologize now, i can only wish you the best.
i can only hope the next person you meet doesn't hold onto you by a leash.
if you ever think of me, know that im so sorry.

at 4:14 am
im still wide awake
imagining your body on top of mine
captivating me,
your large hands running down my fragile, tiny body,
claiming everything you brush as "yours".
at 4:20 am im still awake,
imagining myself on all fours,
your hand grasping my hair,
pulling it into that tight ponytail i wear during the day,
while you're telling me about how you could never resist me,baby. your words alone leaving me drenched and ready for you.
it's 4:30 am, and texting you:
"are you awake?"