I'm sorry.
I wish I hadn't said what I said.
I can see that you're trying.
I know you've changed.
I want my room back.
I want my home back.
I want my family to be pieced back together.
I miss feeling useful.
I haven't felt anything but sad since I left.
I need that light back in my life.
I want to cry but
I have to stop the tears.
I hate being apart from you.
I just want to go home.

I am not weak.
The tears will come,
But no matter how badly I hurt inside,
I know that I can be happy on the outside.

I am not weak.
I have to say goodbye each time,
But no matter how much I want to cry,
I know there will be a "hello" before the next "goodbye."

I am not weak.
I think terrible thoughts,
But no matter how far into the dark I go,
I can always see the light.


I am not strong.
I say these things to myself when I cry,
But no matter how hard I try,
I can't make myself feel any better.

You're too young
You don't need the stress of knowing
How about the stress of not knowing
You expect me to be fine
Not knowing if my little sister is coming back
You expect me not to be *******
Not knowing if I'm staying
You expect me not to be scared
Not knowing what happened to my brother
You expect me to trust you
Not knowing who to believe
You put words in my mouth
Not knowing what to say
This situation
Is frustrating as ****
And you expect me to be okay
Well news flash


im not okay.

God. How am I still not okay?

God. It's been so long.

God. I'm so tired of life right now.

God. What happened to me?

I was such a nice kid.
I was calm all the time.
Mature for my age,
Little but so lively.

I was so helpful.
So loyal.
I always supported my trust.
But I never really spoke my mind.

I was shy.
I was small.
I never stood up for my feelings
I never stood up for myself.

And now I'm older.
I realize I don't need support.
I need myself.
I need confidence.

Speaking your mind is not wrong.
Standing up for your feelings isn't rude.
Standing up for yourself isn't mean.
Saying what you feel doesn't make you imperfect.

No one's perfect. Not even them.
The ones you hate for being so amazing.
Maybe she has anxiety.
Maybe his mom is alcoholic.

No one has a perfect life.
There's not one perfect family in the world.
There is not a person in the world who's perfect.
There's not a person who doesn't have one bit of strife.

But just because you aren't perfect.
Doesn't make you less worth it.
You're amazing.
You're still charming, kind, and strong.

You're just more experienced.
You just understand some more things now.

And maybe, just maybe,
You just aren't as shy anymore.

Didn’t you wish they cared?
Didn’t you wish they wanted you?
Didn’t you wish they pretended?
Didn’t you wish they wouldn’t have started it?
Didn’t you wish they hadn’t hadn’t showed you the pain?
Didn’t you wish they would pay more attention?
Didn’t you wish they never said what you wished you’d never hear?
Didn’t you wish they saw how it affected you?
Don’t you wish they cared sooner?
Don’t you wish they didn’t want you back?
Don’t you wish they didn’t pretend?
Don’t you wish they would just end it?
Don’t you wish they would let you feel the pain again?
Don’t you wish they didn’t pay attention?
Don’t you wish they would say it again?
Don’t you wish it didn’t affect you?

I need to break free from these binding thoughts holding me down and tearing me up mind and heart racing in sync wondering if I'll fly or I'll sink I'll probably fall attempting to jump this wall of insincerity living or dying its all just the same dates in some notebook no hall of fame live your life but not my way just yours I have no choice but to come when you call down at your feet is where I will fall drawing me in with false love and hope  controlling my life like I'm some sort of dope I am not finished don't interrupt me until I say what I say I'm using my voice I'm calling your name now listen to me or get out of the way

I miss you kid
Everyday
I miss your sarcastic comments
I miss the way you frustrate yourself doing your hair
I miss your obsessions
I miss our song
I miss dancing in my room to your cds
I miss fighting with you over stupid things
I miss your chipped nails
I miss your glasses too far down your nose
I miss your references
I miss knowing all your crushes
I miss teasing you
I miss you teasing me
I miss **** date or marry
I miss your goody two shoes side
I miss your rebel side
I miss how proud you were of yourself
I miss your old confidence
I miss doing your makeup
I miss laying down and looking at the clouds
I miss everything
I missed you growing up
I missed you changing
I missed you becoming who you're not
You're gonna be in seventh grade in 6 months
And I'm not sure if I'll be there to see you off
I just want to be back with you
It's so scary being alone at that house, I know
I'm so proud of you and I love you
Stay strong kiddo