That moment when the lights turned red, the brake fluid gone, transmission dead and all we did was laugh.

The staff of life like a shepherd's crook reached out to hook us from a certain death.

And now I swallow every breath and every breath explodes inside reminding me that one ride more may be the ride that shuts the door so fatefully, so
gratefully left ajar for me.

Beauty,
but not in the eye is in the moments that pass us by.

I try to remember that.

You tell me that my hair is too dark
perhaps I should lighten it up
You tell me you don't like how I act
I'm sorry I really don't give a ****
You tell me my band shirts are disgusting
I should try to wear more pink
You say I will never get anywhere in life
I really don't care what you think
You tell me my friends are immature
I should get friends my own age
You say I walk funny, you say I laugh too loud
who really cares anyways
You tell me that I am stupid
you say my life is a waste
If you don't like who I am or how I act
then get the hell out of my face
You can say whatever you want
I think I am just fine
I don't want to be friends with somebody
who is negative and constantly whines
You may say that I am ugly
I think I am beautiful the way I am
Keep talking the way you are
because once again I do not give a ****

I hate that sound
It makes me cringe
Wild goose bumps come popping out of my skin
The hair on my arm sticks up
I turn away
But the sound of your chatterbox against his makes me wanna disappear
I'm not here
I don't wanna be
It's almost like you're cheating
But i know you're not
You were in love with another man
Only that's what I thought
Who knew what was going on in your head
How long have you been lying to yourself
And to others
I was foolish to think I believed the magic I was seeing
Ten years it went on
Then suddenly stopped
My world crumbling into pieces
It took forever to put it back together
Some pieces are lost and can't be found
But the damage you did could never be fixed
And that moment could never be forgotten
Now five years later
You went through guys like money flying out of your hands
But this one went on for a little longer
And the longer it went on
The pain I was dealing with kept coming on
It doesn't seem right
Even after  all these years
I miss the one man that stood by you through everything
But you let him go
You were stupid enough to let him go
Now it's every other weekend
Instead of everyday
Why in the world did you make it that way
So now there's only one thing I have to say
I hate those sounds that make me cringe

Gemini in the dark
Preys upon beloved aurora.
To pounce on a pierced heart
Is the art of bravura
For your meticulous game.

they all died
and im crying.

Often times I don't know what I'm going to write about, so I usually end up writing things I have already said, trying to say them in another way.

The art of losing yourself is a very slow and complex situation that happens over a long period of time. For some people that could be years and it seems like it happens in a day, and others it could happen in a day and seem like years went by before they even realized what happened.

Either way, some how it takes a while, whether it's reality or only in our mind, we eventually lose ourselves somewhere in life.

We like to blame false lovers for stealing our heart, our thoughts, and consuming our whole mind, but honestly it's just our soul chewing away at the doubt inside of us trying with every bite to numb the pain.

We choose to blame the lack of income and the multitude of outcome that leaves our pockets turing over and over for our pain.  We expect money to be right at our command, at the tips of our fingers every night, and stacked in our account with tons interest to water the greens.

We feed off of happy memories, expecting life to only be them, and anything other is a disappointment. We are so blind that we can't even appreciate the color that has already adapted in our brains.

The art of losing yourself is worth it, because in the end, you will always find yourself and a little bit more than what you ever dreamed of.

(j.a.r.)

Let's see if I can find this
In such greyed out statues that I desperately dream what little colour is left from
These memories scorched into my sense of self, eyes and hugs and reminders that at some point I may have deserved love

Three faces come to mind
Maybe one or two more to remind me where things could have gone

Either way
I try
To let go of you
Who make me want to let go of pride and cry
But ******* I'm a man you won't take that from me
You ******* memories

The new looks I get in the blur of life's loving aesthetic
One of these days I will take a chance
On those **** ******* eyes that say
Wake up with me

****

Love's hard
Especially when you've had it before