In the dark places of my being, I hide my deepest fears. I bury my regret  my hatred and my dark desires. I keep the places shut up tight, so that they cannot see the light of day. I battle with my demons both when I am awake and in my dreams. When I sleep I go to my darkest desires and live what in reality would be another persons nightmare. I walk into the shadows of my soul and wake in a cold sweat. I take the feelings into the waking world, where I struggle to keep them in check, now knowing what might slip out. I can only keep the lid tightened down so long, before what lies in the shadows of my soul will find it's way out. Then all of my secrets will be made manifest as the shadows of my soul open to the light.

I stumble out the door and down the steps. My clothes are wrinkled and my hair is a mess. I can barley stand up but I am pretty sure, that I did something which I don't want to remember from the night before. My shoes don't fit right as I walk to hail a cab. I have to admit that it is looking really bad. Thankfully for me at this early hour the only real witness is a dog. I feel like I am on a bill board and my image screams really loud, look at what the cat dragged in as I try to hide my face. I stumble into the taxi to finish my walk of shame.

Ever been so tired that you just don't want to breath?
Ever been so lonely that you want to scream?
Ever been so frustrated that you just don't want to eat?
Ever been so miserable that you make yourself bleed?

My pieces lie on the floor. I am battered and broken. I once was whole and beautiful. I am now torn asunder. I came from sand and was wrought in fire. Now by violence I am broken. What I was can never be again. What will become of me is still unclear. My heart is scarcely able to beat. I find it hard to breathe. I am not sure that I can be mended, what is to become of me. These thoughts run through my mind as I stand over a shattered vase. Like the vessel that once stood beautifully, I am broken and do not know if I can ever be whole again.

I see what I was, I know what I am. The question is what will I become? In order to continue to exist, I must move forward, never going back. I must open my mind and embrace new ideas. I must be willing to agree to disagree, even when I feel that I am right. I cannot always have things my way and sometimes there must be compromise. In order to function and go beyond what I am, I must define myself in new ways and be willing to learn a new path. To become the person I am meant to be is to embrace an evolution of myself.

I'll be honest I'm still going through things because of what happend more than 10 years ago
I hate myself sometimes
But everyday I'm glad to be alive
After all I've been through I'm still a good and kind person (so I've been told)
So Don't lose hope
Talk to someone
Talk to me if it would help
Don't isolate yourself
There is always some to be your friend