I am strong now.
My voice doesn't shake when I talk
and I smile more than I frown.
I've changed, but that's inevitable
when you're living on the brink of death.
My sense of humor has gotten darker
but I'm learning to refine it, to refine myself.
I know now that I will be working on myself
my entire life and will always be rediscovering who I am.
I find that kind of comforting:
the bad parts of me now will eventually fade,
and maybe they'll be replaced with worse but
there's still the chance that they'll be replaced with better.
And that's what I'm striving for: better.
Day by day I become more sure of myself,
every second brings with it a new lesson.
I am ready to finally be happy.

Love is rough
Love is hard
If you love you get scarred

Love is tough
Love is strong
If you love things go wrong

Love is gruff
Loves is lean
If you love then life is mean

But, Love is good
Love is great
Love is well worth the wait

I feel alone.
I feel tired.
I feel ill and pained.
I feel as if there is nothing to look forward to in my life.
I feel like maybe dying at the age 20 isn't so bad after all.
I feel sick from the way that I've been allowing myself to consume food the past few days which is making me feel like a failure and since I feel alone there is not one soul that is here to assist me through my low times.
I feel like I can't talk to my family about going to see someone about my physical and mental health alike because I've tried and they seem to think I'm fine and I feel that the only way to fix it is to LOOK physically sick enough for them which has me feeling like an even BIGGER failure because I just ate a crap ton of food and there is no way to take it back.
I feel that my friends don't get that they are lucky to get even a single word out of me most days because every day is literally a giant struggle between my mind and my heart and my body and to even function like a semi normal human being takes more strength than I have nowadays.
I feel like everything is just crumbling to bits around me and the people meant to be here through the worst times are the ones setting fire to the pieces of my life as they plummet to the earth.
I feel like no jar of hearts or inspirational book or memoir or documentary or extensive research can bandage the wound that has been infecting me for over half of my life.
I feel as though crumbling to pieces myself and being set on fire thus wasting away to nothing before I even have the chance to hit earth like my life around me may just be the answer to my problems.
I feel stuck in a life that isn't mine and knowing that I deserve more but cannot get there because I'm not "enough". Not smart enough, not thin enough, not talented or skilled enough in any way to climb over the debris that continues to tumble and pile up tremendously high around me.
I feel cracked.
I feel broken.

I don't care the hour. I don't care your race. I don't care you gender.  I don't care about your  sexuallity. If you need a shoulder. If you just want to talk. If you need advice I'm here for you.  I'm not posting my phone or email but here is my kik.  Feel free to msg me for anything.  Kik: CFrenchie

You made me incredibly happy,
smiling at my phone constantly,
late night phone calls with anxious laughs,

But then again,
you make me the saddest,
clouded thoughts of you and I,
replaying that one night,
over and
over

I'm still trying to figure out how you have that control over me-
to make me the happiest iv'e ever been,
but also the saddest.

I’m not so sure
That you’re that white knight
I’m not so sure
Your love is true and pure.
You quickly got me hooked,
But so far you’re noting like the storybooks.
I’m not so sure.

i am

nobody

somebody

lost



and all around me, people tell me who to be

be the girl who

knows how to open a locker

and doesn't lose her homework on a weekly basis

be the girl out of school,

because you're a danger in these walls

be the girl who-

i don't know

no
no
no

i will be untitled because i do not need to be defined
or labeled,
to
be
titled

r.c.

Little bunny
Your so funny
And so fluffy
On your tummy

Very chubby
Very tubby
Your personality
Is so bubbly

Little baby
Little honey
Stay away from humanity
We will cause insanity