We cannot write silence.
The beats.
The pause.
The breath.
The way it aches
and persists

and begs that,

if only for a moment,

our consciousness is only a whisper.
our bodies,
our lips,
the air that passes through falling chests
and stillness.

A melody of emotion.
Sleeping in the quiet of a heartbeat skipped
a word lost to the wind.

The wickedness of reticence
Encapsulated in air and time.

The moment stretched too long.
Hesitation perpetuated in the grip of fingernails
pressed into palms.

We cannot write silence,
but we can try.

to find a way to immortalize emotion
to create space
in the ceaseless drone of words that speak and spin.

I cannot write silence. But I can write
tears and years
and the burn of long-stretched lies.

I can write goodbyes and hellos
And dozen ways to say
I love to hate you
Or
I hate to love you
and sometimes
I cannot tell the difference.
Silence.
The space I have upheld for myself.

I love to hate you
Heart.

I hate to love you too.

I cannot write silence.
But I know it.
and I have held it in my hand.

Dainty hours
spent with her petal soft smile
lush exchanges
how her mouth makes words warm
delicate  moments
when our eyes held each other
little desolate
when hands separated
and time disconnected us
as it blindly does
without so much as an apology

Today was the worst day ever, again.
And don't try to persuade me that
There's something good in everyday
because, when you look closer,
this world is a pretty evil place
even if
God shines through every now&then;
Satisfaction and happiness don't last
It's a lie that
it's all in the mind and heart.
because
true happiness can be obtained
when things around you are good
it's not true that good things are real
I'm sure you can agree that
Reality
creates
anger
it's out of my control
You'll never, ever, hear me say
Today was a good day.


( now Read is backwards)

I’ve come so far

Did it leave a mark?
How big is the scar?
Somehow I misunderstood and the fragility was mine

Space and time immortal in the moment
But the moment after that...
is the one which won't relent

Shaking shake shake quake quaking
Quake
         quake
                  quake

Falling like
         falling like         I’m burning like
                  Alexandria
Gonna lose it all like
         Gonna raze it all
                  like
         Alexandria
Gonna
                  gonna
Gotta
                           go
It’s         an
         act
                           shivering
Shimmering like
Falling stars
                  beautiful like
Burning like
Falling stars
                  we love pain
Like
         we love Jesus
Like
         we love
                  paintings of mangled flesh
and starving bodies like
         Streaming red on white flesh
It’s gotta be white flesh
                           with
                  red
         like apple candy red like
Seas like
                  Wine
Like
                           ****
It’s         an
         act
She said she said
         momma said
                  shut
Up
         shut
Stop up
                  Jesus didn’t cry
He
         Ate bread
                  didn’t blink
Didn’t think
         Drank wine
Burned like a falling star
         Gave up
Shut up
                           Died

Tick tock,
I stumble and fall,
Tick tock,
My heart stops.
Every minute is easier and harder than the last,
One moment am blessed with wings,
the next am spiraling down to the  past,
Where I taste freedom just for it to turn bitter and I spit it out.
I live and die in the same second,
In the twinkle of a star I exist and fade.