When my heart spoke in a whisper the world was so loud.  I didn’t hear her talking over the roar of the crowd.
She tried so hard to tell me what i needed to know. But i held on so tightly to where i thought i should go.
When my heart spoke a little louder i beat her back. Surely her words true wisdom did lack.
But no, she knew better than i ever thought, her instinct was to protect from the perils wrought.
When my heart began to scream i pushed on in robotic motion. Just keep moving ebb and flow like the tides of the ocean.
She was so loud but i was so so lost, forgive me i had no idea of the cost.
When my heart began to sob her voice in so much pain,  memories and hurt mingling together like cold and rain.
She grew cold, froze in the ice of loss and regret. And stood shivering still her words unmet.
When my heart grew silent, and i felt numb
I realized i had not been deaf to her resounding thrum.
I heard but ignored her warnings and cries,
And instead trusted in my comfort and lies.

On my last drunken escapade,
I was sitting in my girlfriend's
living room.
It was 3:28 am, I was *******
on a cheap bottle of *****, and
It was ******* the soul right
out of me.
I knew things needed to change.
She had just ****** me dry in
the bedroom, and I was losing
all my strength.
I had the wisdom of a snail,
inching along, waiting to be
crushed.

I wasn't drunk, just liquid smooth.
Contemplating and configuring the
degradation and the lack of
windmills to chase.
The mirror had become a horrible and
pitiful place. Out of the corner of
my eye, I saw a large shadow zip
across the wall.
A second later, our cat, Patches, leapt
into the air.
I heard a terrible

Squeak, tweet, squawk,

I ran to her and began prying
at her mouth.
It was a small night bird.
I took it from her and put it
outside.
It was still alive, and there was
no
blood on my hands.
I said,

Bad Patches.

It freaked me out.
I woke up my girlfriend and told
her what happened.
She said,
are you sure it wasn't a dream?
I went into the bathroom and looked
in the mirror.
I drained the last of the *****,
and walked to the hospital.
When it's time,
you just know.

I would climb mountains
Hijack cars
Walk 26 days
And almost die
If that meant I could hug you
Even one time

Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
Dispatches for the Colonial Office

                                               Bombs – All Sizes

                                    -As Jack Kerouac did not say


          If we are all going to be destroyed…let that bomb when it
          comes find us doing sensible and human things praying,
          working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the
          children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint
          and a game of darts—not huddled together like frightened
          sheep and thinking about bombs. They may break our bodies
          (a microbe can do that) but they need not dominate our
          minds.

                        -C.S. Lewis, “On Living in an Atomic Age,” 1948


Bombs fall tonight, but then they fall every night
Conceived over single-malt, born of the generals
Suffering not at all as their electronics systems
Guide them in the ways the Bible salesman deems

Bombs fall tonight, on a nuclear facility, they say
We can only ask the ashes and winds
While in our triumphalist Ozymandian presumption
We fancy that bombs will never fall on us

Bombs fall tonight – and have we been doing
Sensible and human things?

If one believes something they should have proof .
If one does not believe they should have proof as well .

Don't hide behind your protasis .
May all your "ifs" sink into the sea .

Stand firmly on the waters of your apodosis .
Ease your mind and set your spirit free .

CONFUSING as HELL —
not wanting me to leave but
not loving me now