I wish that you could see the way your body moves like the ocean, its curves are what spark up the storms in the sea.

I see you

I see the way you cant stand yourself sometimes, you cover up your emotions with sarcasm and yeah, sometimes i fall for it.

I feel you

I feel your stress and anxiety levels sky rocket when some things goes unplanned, you have that need to always be in control and its very attractive.

I touch you

I touch you with the most delicate of hands i can, when we're in bed and thinking about the endless thoughts, I cant stop myself from thinking that before me is someone else and they can show you tender hands but never do because they can't commit.

I smell you

When your near i can smell home, the familiar scent that i wish i could put into words, a candle.

I could taste you

I could taste you but I'm not able to do that, i have to come clean about my feelings, about how I'm am unconditionally in love with you kiya.

And i wish i could change my feelings because we have such a good friendship, but who in the hell could get over you?

i just came to the realization that every one around me will one day die..
so i mean whats the point right?
how i see it, is that 3 people will truly notice me when im gone:
my mom
my dad
Kiya

My mom because, well to be blunt because i came out of her, and because shes supposed to care shes supposed to know when i have tears running out of my eyes, when i dont feel like living, shes supposed to notice my bad days, when i say 'oh, i just have a headache' shes supposed to notice.
why doesn't she notice... i just want her to notice

My dad because he helped create me, and he fees guilty for beating on me and my brother and cheating on my mom, like a new phone will fix his past mistakes, he will probably think its his fault, because he wasn't there to tell me what a beautiful daughter i am like every statistic says. he'll probably **** himself too, because hes a coward, cheaters always are.

and lastly Kiya
shell feel sad and go into a bigger depression she already is because her mom passed away about two years now, and shell most likely be on her phone at my funeral because thats all she does when shes around me, the most conversation she has with me is over the phone anyways, shell probably text me when im dead to just try and keep the conversation going, shell say 'today i ****** Anna again and i feel weird about it...' and go on because thats ill i hear from her and im ******* sick of it.
thats why im killing myself, because all this ****. is amazingly not worth any of this heartbreak i feel everyday in my sad little pathetic 15 year old teenage life.

You stand behind the words,
Behind the storm that I bring,
Behind pain, and sorrow that u sometimes feel,
they don't see...

You make camp behind the Sun
You burn as it shines,
but they dont see,
you give it all up,
Just for me.

You leave the comfort and step out in the rain,
They don't see,
when you're all dressed up but still come to get wet for me,
They don't see,
you walk along,
when my feet are treading upon hot coal,
and they don't see,

How you love me.


You dive in rivers head first,
they dont see,
You climb deadly mountains for me
Sometimes I also dont see it


How much you love me.


But you love me

We dont see,
You know it,
But you still love me.

You still love me.

My heart sings in gratitude,
My bones are humbled,
I want to wrap you in melody of the affection I have for you,
at my worst,
in the darkness,
on sunny days below summer skies,
when you still love me...

You still love me

This is my apology.

For every time they said you were worthless
And my silence made it seem like I agreed.
For every time I was heartless
When you were a friend in need.

For all the moments you were breathless
From running away from your fears,
And I stood beside you pretending
That I couldn't see your tears.

This is my apology;
For never showing that I cared

"i want to be that person you're scared to lose"

This is fine.
This is just fine as long as it doesn't go in my hair.
My fringe is hanging down a little.
What if it goes in my fringe?
I can't adjust my hair now, it'll ruin the mood...
Just look ****.

Oh god, he's looking at me.
I can't make eye contact with him, it's too weird.
Maybe I should close my eyes and roll my head back and make some sort of moaning sound.
That's a thing isn't it?
That's a thing girls do in ****?
It probably is.

****. I am not a **** star.
This can't look hot.
I think I'll give a nervous giggle.
Maybe it'll sound ****.

Great, now he thinks you're laughing at his *****.

No he doesn't.
He knows you love his *****.
Well, as much as you can love a *****.
It does feel good, but they just don't look very attractive do they?
Especially not when they're thrusting in front of your face.

Stop it - focus.
Don't focus! Relax!
Be in the mood.

How long does this take?
He's using his hand, surely he's a pro at this.
Why is he taking so long?
It's probably only been thirty seconds.
I hope it's been longer, I'm running out of ****** expressions.
Maybe I should talk *****?
But what if it goes in my mouth while I'm trying to speak?

Oh, he's grunting.
This must be...

It's in my ******* fringe.

What is love
Without loving
What is life
Without living
What is joy
Without giving

It is hollow

What is hope
Without wishing
What is air
Without breathing
What is art
Without feeling
It is nothing

What is age
Without learning
What is day
Without night
What is voice
Without singing
It is cracked

What am I
Without others
What could I do
Without brothers
How could we live
Without our mothers
We could not