There she was.
A vision of beauty
She walked with confidence
Like she owned the floor she stood upon
And she probably did
Charisma oozed out of her every pore
She was loved
Or at least she had their attention
She could look you in the eye
And leave you speechless
She was everything I was not
And everything I wanted to be.
I looked up to her.
For she was perfection.
She was grace
And she was elegance.
But every now and then
Cracks would appear in her mask
And reveal a scared little girl
Peering out  through hooded eyes.

Hey girl
Don't give up on me.
I know I'm difficult,
I know I'm challenging,
Please don't give up on me.
I know I have issues.
But you've been there for me.
You held me up,
And let me cry,
Told me to let it out,
Coz it's better then holding it in.
You calm me down ,
When it gets too much.
You know exactly what to say.
You understand when no one else does.
You got my back ,
And I got yours .
I know I let you down sometimes,
But please don't give up on me
You're not just my best friend,
You're my sister.
I love you so much ,
Thanks for being there.

She felt something
She didn't really know what
It was building inside her.
And winding itself up
Like the ticking clock inside
A bomb about to go off
It pushes itself out
And takes over her body
Spewing hateful things
And hurting herself
It makes her angry and anxious
And tenses her up
Like a snake springing up
It twists down her throat choking her
And into her stomach
Pushes acid into her mouth
It whispers to her
when she stares into mirrors
Curdling her blood
And twisting her mind
It takes over her happy moments
Breaks them down detail
By agonizing detail
And pinpoints her faults
And plays them over and over again like a broken record.

All she ever wanted was control.
She stood at the bathroom mirror
And as she stared at her reflection
She saw her fingers pick up the scissors
And chop her hair
They fell in little Tufts around her.
She kept cutting
She told herself it was better than cutting her skin
She decided it wasn't enough
She wanted more
So she picked up a razor and buzzed of any hair that was still part of her head
She couldn't clearly see the back of her head
And as she moved stretching she nicked herself
Blood trickled down her neck and she wondered how did she get here.
It's not that she didn't try
She had tried
But they wouldn't believe her
They wouldn't believe her when she said
She woke up sad
That she felt different
Empty, detatched
That her insides ached ached in a way that no injury could.
Somehow now her head felt lighter without all that hair.
Somehow she felt better
Even if for just a while.