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Back and forth
My mind and heart twist and contort
I wish I fought
Harder for what it is that I desire
Having you in my life, set my soul on fire
Loving you is like being an addict
My heart and mind I cannot predict
Back and forth
Addicted
Relapsing
Recovered
And repeat
My heart and mind simultaneously meet the ultimate defeat
 Jun 26 Damocles
badwords
. (or: the slow mercy of being forgotten) .

I keep the lights dim now—
not out of mood,
but because shadows are gentler
when you no longer belong to the future.

The watch still doesn’t tick.
I wear it anyway.
Not to remember time,
but to remind myself I once commanded it.

His coat is still here,
draped over the back of the chair
like an exhale that forgot to finish.

Some nights I sleep beside it.
It doesn’t smell like him anymore.

I replay our first conversation like a hymn
missing half its words.
I remember what I said.
I don’t remember if I meant it.

The bed is quieter than it should be.
Not empty—just echoing
with choices I let make themselves.

I heard he’s moved on.
Young lover, new city,
same crooked smile
twisting someone else’s orbit.

And good.
Let him become legend
in someone else's story.
I already built a temple
he burned into blueprint.

I tried to write him a letter once.
It became a list.
Then a poem.
Then silence.

I left it unfinished.
Some things are meant to haunt,
not conclude.

There’s a thunderstorm tonight.
I sit by the window with a glass of nothing
and watch the sky argue with itself.

For a second,
the lightning looks like him.

And for the briefest flicker—
just long enough to ache—

I believe I was loved.

{fin}
The fifth and final part in the myth of Chronogamy is the ash after the fire—the silence that settles once the thunder has left the sky. The relationship is over, but its echo lingers in objects, habits, and memory’s unreliable architecture. This final movement is not about heartbreak; it’s about displacement—a god dethroned from his own myth, left to wander the ruins of what used to be himself.

The intent in this final part is to show that grief doesn’t always roar—it hums. The poem becomes a haunted room where affection remains only in posture, in ghosts that look like him only when lightning hits right. The speaker does not seek closure. He preserves the ache because it’s the last proof he was ever touched at all.

The myth ends not with vengeance, but with recognition:

"To be consumed is divine. To be remembered is accidental."

The Chronogamy Collection:
https://hellopoetry.com/collection/136301/chronogamy/
 Jun 26 Damocles
Kalliope
Sleep evades
A restless soul
Mind replays
What once felt whole
Heart thumping
Out my chest
Shaky hands
Doing my best
Visions blur
You never touched-
So how the ****
Do I miss you this much?
0400
 Jun 26 Damocles
Kalliope
I deserve love and laughter and joy,
I know how to get it I don't have to be coy
I can give love and friendship and kindness, without even thinking of it, so ingrained it's mindless
I can trust my intuition and the thoughts in my brain, I don't have to have someone else double check my every play
I can be successful and support myself
I don't have to dim my light and hide on the middle shelf
I get to choose how I live this life that is mine, and I'm choosing to indulge in everything divine
I can make moonwater on my window sill,
I have many intentions and dreams to fill
I hardly think about you
Except when the music plays
And I realize that no one else
In the whole wide world
Knows the lyrics
But us...
Once or twice a day is not that much, after all...
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