-on a person's 20th birthday

When I turned twenty I couldn't wait,
so sure was I to change the world.
Exactly right were all my thoughts
I couldn't ever stop to state.

So I turned fourty while I built and built
on top of my precisely stated schemes.
My loved ones warned me for collapse
but I would never stop, in it to the hilt.

When I turned sixty, felt a faint crack,
not in my infallible buildings
but in my overstressed back.

Now that I am eighty years of age
I know the way to perfection:
the missing line in your design
opens your cage for the future page.

In the dark I entered my home.

I came to see
if anything was left,
anything of you and me.

I didn't realize I was blind,
the darkness was in me.

Until your lips touched mine.

I wore a veil,
They didn't like it,
Now they have to wear a mask,
Welcome.
1/11/2020

everything fades like a dream
leaves me wonder which ones are real
soon as the marks are gone
the only validation is the other person's experience
now that he's left I wonder if it was all in my mind

What has made that girl so strong?
They asked me
The truth is she wasn’t always strong
There once was a day when she had no idea what she was doing
When the words from her lips were as forced as the smile on her face
Where the bracelets on her wrists were as much to hide the scars
As they were to add a little more to her outfit
There is nothing you can say or do to hurt her
That she hasn’t already done to herself
Those words you used to insult her?
She’s repeated them a thousand times as she lay in bed
Unable to sleep
Unable to breath past the thoughts in her mind
She’s had people leave without a reason
Without a goodbye
Closing the door without a glance back
She’s broken her own heart more times then she can count
She’s felt lost
Like she was drifting out in a sea of nothingness
No lifeboat to be seen
So the reason this girl is so strong
Is because she’s gone through all that
And still has the strength to smile and laugh
Like nothing matters in the world but this moment

don't want to be alone
but i let you go
answer your phone
i already know
one of your friends
needs you again
i need you too
but i can't cage you in
jealousy is ugly
want you to get nice feelings from me
biting my tongue
pretending ***** lovely
but its not
wound up in thoughts
i don't wanna speak
so i'm constantly off
but i like you a lot
and i dont want you to stop
i want your voice in my ear
but you're already gone

uneasy but thats fine
its okay take your time
i'm only dying inside
i only waited to talk to you all night
i only wanted to not feel alone in my mind
i'm not blaming you its just that i
wasn't ready for goodbye
even though i said it was alright