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Aowein Jan 7
He felt like home
I cannot easily explain it
But when I’m around him
He feels like home
But I’ve come to realize
He may feel like my home
But I do not feel like his
And I’m ok with that
As long as I keep my friend
And can still feel that piece of home
I’ll be ok
Aowein Jan 4
My mom always asks me why I always have something playing in the background
She asks why I don't enjoy the silence
Meditate a little maybe
Music is so loud
Turn it off sometimes
Enjoy the peace
She doesn't understand
With silence, all the bad thoughts come creeping back
Like moths to the flame
I use music to drown them out
Push them aside
Extinguish that flame for just a little longer
She doesn't understand that there is danger is silence for people like me
'Why not sit in your thoughts?'
Thoughts can be deadly
Thoughts are what I fight to keep away
There is no peace in the silence
Only violence and pain
Music holds it back
Like the walls of a dam
Holding back the deadly waves of a flood
So no, I don't think I'll turn the music off
Aowein Jan 4
You don't get to ask me why the **** I have trust issues
You didn't have your best friend suddenly leave
The person you leaned on for support the most
You aren't the one who was told
by many people
I'll be there for you
And then they just ignored you
You weren't jokingly told lies,
insulted in the form of teasing
And put down my people you thought would never say or do something like that
You've never felt unwanted by everyone around you
Stuck in the shadow of someone you're close to
You haven't lived my life
So you don't get to ask my why the **** I have trust issues
Aowein Dec 2020
Pain is my constant companion these days
She walks with me through my day
Sits with me as a cry
Whispers in my ear as I write
And laughs at me as a draw each night
In the late hours of the night
And the early hours of the morning
Out of sight
Waiting desperately for someone to notice
But praying they never do at the same time
I just want it to end
Aowein Nov 2020
These words in my head get loud
And no matter how hard a try
I can't drown them out
Aowein Nov 2020
I drew tonight
For the first time in 6 months
13 days
5 hours
and 22 minutes
I rolled up my sleeves and got to work
I thought I would feel bad
For drawing after so long
But I feel nothing
Not one flicker of emotion
Even as the red ink stained my canvas
It was liberating if anything
To draw finally
after months of wanting to but being too afraid
It has now been 17 minutes
and 38 seconds
Since I last drew
Aowein Nov 2020
Why are you always so quiet love?
I’m not actually
What do you mean?
The girl turned toward the other with a faint smile
My heart is always speaking
This world just doesn’t know how to hear it yet
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