I'm happy,
as long as I don't think too much
Don't think about my anger or sadness or anything really that reminds me of how life is so tough

Tears of laughter hide tears of pain
I laugh like everone else,
but it's just not the same

My dammed river of emotions is building up again and I think it's gonna burst,
I'm thinking more now,
and I think this new wave of depression will hurt a little worse

I've almost done it before,
but always by myself.
Always too ashamed to ask for help.

Tried to force myself off it on my own, but
who am I to sit and beg for help on a telephone?

I've always had friends with me,
yet suffered alone.
Hasn't killed me before, so how about just one more though?

I didn't do it for like two days a month ago,
I'm not addicted.
And I wont do it for the rest of the day,
I c- I can stick with it

Cuz I'm not addicted,
I just like the way it feels

I'm not addicted,
but I'm running out of money for these pills

I see a man smiling wide in the lobby,
But I know there's a storm deep inside his body

End stage cancer has filled his lungs,
Today he way playing at the park with his daughter in the sun

Today was probably his last day of fun

Just a brief check up is what I said,
Now I have to tell him he's alive,
but he's dead

He's a dead man walking,
but he doesn't know it yet

How will I tell him death now owns his breath?

I'm happy, but I don't feel that way.

From cutting wrists and tormented sleep,
I've come so far,
but sitting alone in my car,
I know just how close my feeling are to being dragged right back to when I felt nothing at all.

Life's good, but not good enough

My smiles were fake,
Only real when I got baked
But even that somehow felt better then being so close to falling back into that dark place

I think I loved the chase,
but it's over now

I'm happy
I guess,
But terrified too

Because I know the only feeling that can come next

Life is a spark of light flickering briefly in the darkness of before birth and after death.
Rejoiced we should be at this spark,
but leave it to us to find so much darkness in our short breath
Leave it to us to have these vivid colors and see gray at every step
Leave it to us to be left as dust and let our memories between the light be simply brushed away

Ketamine and ******* on the streets of new York city

Homeless models at lavish *****,
Unimaginable ugly lies just behind this hollow pretty walls.

Camera flashes and snubbed ashes,
Giving head in scribbled stalls
In a world that lacks all pity,
****,
How I do look quite pretty