11/26/2013

I'm beginning
to realize
how alone
I really am

and how
alone,
is what
I've always
been

and honestly,
I think I'm
partly okay
with that

my best mates
have always
been
these walls,
this computer,
and the pages
in every book
I've ever laid
my eyes upon

I've always
found myself
to be quite
lonely

little did
I realize
that I had
everything
I needed

I've found
comfort,
in knowing
that these
pages can
not up and
leave me

they cannot
decide to hate
me

or ban me
from their
pithy lives

they cannot
judge me
or deem me
unsatisfactory

I have found
comfort,
in knowing
that these
walls
can not walk,
and can not think,
and can not judge,
and most
of all,
I have found
comfort
in knowing that
these walls
can not
talk*

I've learned,
over the years,
to live
alone,
inside my
own mind,
not to worry
about others

I've learned
to keep to
myself

I've found
things to
keep my
occupied

and most
important
of all,
I've learned
you can not
let your
emotions
and feelings
depend on
those around
you

because they
will fail you

every time,
they will
fail you

you must learn
to live
with yourself,
you must learn
that your mind
is an oasis,
an escape,
a paradise,
that does not
need to
depend on
anyone else,
but yourself
to be happy

© 2013 Scarlet Van Allen

when i'm awake early in the morning
i think of nothing but you
but i know you don't think of me

when i can't sleep at 3 AM beacuse i miss you
and i know you're sleeping peacefully
i hate myself a little bit more

when i finally fall asleep
i dream of you but i know
you don't dream of me

and every living moment of my day
has become a nightmare not worth living
anymore

*(c.m.h)

I emptied myself to make room for more beauty
More loveliness and grace
More feminine glow and fragile perfection
And tight skin over protruding bones
But I lost all my kindness
And my compassion
I emptied my sympathy for others
And now I'm full of rosy allure but not much else.

I provoke the wind
in a dialect shared with him
and him alone.
He whispers assent,

as assuaging liquid draughts
glance my submissive frame.
A desolate wanderer,
incising the burdensome night.

Accompanied by none corporeal,
I prowl satin fields,
illuminated by Luna
and Saturn, her amber consort.



©*Thomas Gabriel

Reticent, morning hides
behind boles of alder, the air
escaping his lungs

Calcifies in my chest.
A caustic mist mists
Over the rivers pane. Thick

White trails into fine liquid
Black, interring the
slight, torn body. Orange sky-swell

Washes incandescent green:
Dark sienna burns
A path to the waters scorched

White stone. The wood
Holds no sympathy: alacritous
calls knife the sorrowful heart.