everyday i live life to fufill life as i wish to see it. work to get money so that everything could be payed off and me nd my people would'nt have to struggle. its just sad to se that i've become a victim to the system out tryna make a doller to be happy, making money, the idealistic view on all that i do...
losing sight on true happiness and what God had set out for me then i start to wonder God what is that you have set out for me, i guess i wouldn't know because our bond has become faint ...
as child i'd study you everyday with no hesitation because parents stayed on me about you...
now im on my own it seems money and ***** is all i can think of...
struggling trying to become something but all i'm doin is gaining and losing ...
i don't watch t.v. anymore because i dislike seeing those who have and wishing i was them i didn't want to idolize someone elses lifestyle of living because i am my own person and feel i have my own ways and my own thoughts of living and everytime i see how someone else made it i get dipressed because i didn't make it...
found love but been hurt so much that i have trust issues and it becomes hard for me to believe everything she may say though i do take the chance anyways because thats what i believe im suppose to do in a relationship...
i seen this video the other day that was pure art when set images of a man giving a woman his all but in the she decieved him and took from him his soul ... crazy but it really got to me ...
oh well we all interpret differently thats just how i felt...
my music my mind hasn't been the same I've been holding a lot in trying to keep from letting the world see me break down its crazy i just wanna help people but i can't even help myself im losing it constantly trying to find a career path and satisfy those around me feeling alone but she stands by me but when she goes i already sense imma lose control because she is the only peace i have...
when i look in her face i know all that i do all that i plan revolves around her i just want her to have the best to be the best and succeed in all she does...
she ask why do i love her so much ...
my only answer i can think of is because her life means more to me than mine and id go out of my way to make sure she has everything she could possibly want and i just wanna be right with christ i want to be one accord with him nd i feel secular music just stand in between what the Lord has set for me because how can i say im a christian and walk with christ if im preaching worldly thoughts ...
the war i attend in ...
doing things i don't want to do like joining the army yea a life changer and im happy for the teachings ive recieved though i don't understand much bout life and what success truly is on what i am told...
someone else interpretation put in my own words becoming my own thought and interpreted in my own way...
am i happy well i can't complain for im still alive...
but dead at the same time because my focus isnt where it needs to be because my life isn't as i wish it to be...
am i satisfied...
with what...
how can i be...
i can't even please myself in this thing we called life...
thats me what about you are you Satisfied?

At first he said hi and he treated you with respect, something you never thought you could get.

Suddenly he leaves and for a day you do not see him

You begin to think, I wonder what he is into, how is he doing.

Realizing you've cling to someone you are into but don't truly know what he is about, yet it  doesn't bother you, for it is he you let your guard down hoping one day you can feel what you felt before.

How could you ignore such a feeling.

Then that day comes the day you see him again, in that same building standing in the same line maybe a few people ahead, but he is right in front of you.

He says hi and he treats you with respect, you say hi and do something you regret.

Somehow now he has changed and u wouldn't believe some of the thing he be saying.

Treating you with neglect, giving you disrespect, he just played his cards right just to give you good ****.

Now you question your heart, insecure torn apart. you took a chance but the state he left you in ....
tears and pain from the disconnect ...

-ShaiSoul

just feeling like putting my hands on my head,and with that disappointed look saying **** *** happened

caught in my own confusion not truly understanding what it is I want in my life, for my life,

asking myself are my decisions I make now affecting those around me, am I accepting good in my life ,or am I inviting pain and misery in

then again my life has always been pain and misery and whenever I gather that glimpse of happiness it seems to back fire

a few smiles a few laughs and I feel oh this is going to be great turns into arguing and frustration followed with constant irritation

lost in this maze of *** like *** but **** it who cares nobody ever shows their true heart stuck up to themselves, or afraid to speak to someone they don't know all these so called friends probably won't even look to see what I wrote

oh well my support system ain't really a support

just me and my music is how I feel lost in this World but at peace with Sound

it's true I'm the wind come and go breeze feels nice then it's gone if I stay to long it'll cause a hurricane that's why I choose to go ...