whoa whoa whoa
hold up
love addiction in progress
exit to the left
wave goodbye
to rational thought
buckle in buttercup
this ride has highs that feel like
20 hot rails
like getting away from the police when they gave chase and you're riding
hot as ****
it takes you to bliss but watch out for the tail
that fall from ten stories high that withdrawal
I internally panic and do nothing to avoid
the craving
the need
the unrelenting urge to reengage and get another hit
to avoid that 4am empty as a shell feeling
like
the whole world
caved in on itself
and
your ego is dying by eating itself alive
I play this game and tell myself
not
this
time
but it is exactly
when those two words form
in my thoughts
that my head feels
like the mind of ten psychotics spouting word salad  
at full volune
all at once
cognitive dissonance is a *****
oh hell yes the pleasure is exquisite but the pain is
the pain
the death knell
that sweet little reaper
that comes to gather the pieces of your heart spilled on the inside of your Honda civic because you're practical afterall

Nothing to see here
Keep it moving

indeed I am a smart ***
I see through the *******
and am not afraid to throw it back when it's slung my way

my sarcastic nature
allows me to laugh
at things that might otherwise be painful
it's also a helpful tool
to disarm fools
who try to make me believe their lies

my feeling on people
is based on trial and error
and life experience

I find that the truth is
you can generally assume that for the most part
most people
are thinking of themselves

their true motives are hidden by their words
or actions
when you really

look

and

learn

you then realize people
manipulate each other for self gain

when someone is making you feel zapped
you are being
used
one way or another

protect your temple

the eternal quest
for happiness
resides within
seeking a life without pain
is to
seek death
to live is
to feel
all
the bad, the good
the boring moments
learning to embrace
the
ugly

I'm  worried because I have no worries
I'm afraid cuz
I have no fears
I spin in circles
cuz I never get nowhere
when I wake up
I'm still sleeping
I'm so ugly
I'm in the hall of fame
and for that I feel no shame
I met the real me and then
she ran away

Take me to the land before time
Take me to the land before judgment
Take me to the place in the city where my soul can run free
Take me to the place before thought
Take me to infinity, swimming in the ocean
Take me to that place before time.

Summon she that burns within
Fierce shamaness, the goddess divine
The blessed witch & the evil ******
bear her forth unto this plane
She who calls the wind
She that leads the fire
Intent.
Intent.
Intent,
She that is, eternal quest, divine union.
The yin, the yang, the monad within the circle of light
She that is the circle.
She that is the light.
That is within.
That is.
Is.

Do not blink or whisper
instead SCREAM with eyes wide open
in discovery of my suffering
is all
self created

I'm addicted to pain and sorrow
not used to joy
it frightens me, yet entices me
as if
I somehow desire it
yet
like a cat
I come slowly
unsure
if it can be trusted

knowing too
that eventually I'll grab it with both hands
screaming with joy

left to my own devices I do well
they say that addicts
make no right choices

I disagree
perhaps all the things I've done
teach me
what I need to know