Do not blink or whisper
instead SCREAM with eyes wide open
in discovery of my suffering
is all
self created

I'm addicted to pain and sorrow
not used to joy
it frightens me, yet entices me
as if
I somehow desire it
yet
like a cat
I come slowly
unsure
if it can be trusted

knowing too
that eventually I'll grab it with both hands
screaming with joy

left to my own devices I do well
they say that addicts
make no right choices

I disagree
perhaps all the things I've done
teach me
what I need to know