I harm my body

I can still hear the sound of my fist hitting metal
And I still remember the fleeting way I would look around making sure no one saw

I can still smell the sweetness of my blood as it drips
And feel my skin as it splits in two

I harm my self in many ways
Some that I can't even explain

You have now left me

As I sit here fighting away more tears
I wonder
Do you remember all the things I wrote about you?
Do you remember the poem called You that I wrote?

You probably don't

Even though you left me today it feels like it was forever ago
For you seem so far away from me

Did you think about the fact that you come over early every thursday so you can get to youth?
Wether I'm coming or not?

You probably didn't

Now every time you come over
I will retreat
I will retreat to my bedroom
To the bathroom
Or out the door
So I can find somewhere quite to cry

Because your smile gave me life
Your gaze gave me butterflies

You are utterly beautiful in my eyes
But you don't see yourself that way

So you break
And then you leave me
Because 'you can't handle a relationship'
I understand
But my heart still shattered when I read those words

Tears instantly swelled my eyes and started to pour
Just like rain on a lonely night

Now tonight as I go lay in my bed
I will stare out my window
At the wall
Or the roof

Remembering your smile
Remembering your laugh
Remembering how safe I felt next to you
Pressed into you
And just near you

I will lay there as tears streak my cheeks
As I remember the way my heart would beat just at the sight of you
As I remember the way my heart would break when I saw the smile falter from your face

For I didn't want you to feel broken like me
Because you deserve to be happy

You are beautiful to me
And you always will be

Now as I sit here my thoughts will not leave you

If anyone asks for me to be theirs I will probably say no
And I probably will for many years

But if I say yes I will not truly love them
For I will forever remember when you were my puppy
And I was your kitten

We are always the hero
Of our own story
Blind to the pain we inflict
Unable to see beyond the scope
Of our two limited eyes

I told myslef that this was done.
I thought my mind had finally won.
But after all this time I see,
There really is no beating me.
My mind and my soul,
Have but only one goal.
And that is to find peace with what I’ve lost.

She walks away from the game to go contemplate ending her life.
She curls up in a ball in between the punching bag and the chair.

She can't decide how to end her life:
Slit the wrist
Overdose
Hang herself

Everything makes her brain swell.
The depression sets in:
Causing the thoughts to get darker
The urges to get higher
The intention to get deeper.

She thinks
Cancel my showtime

So she did.

She canceled her showtime
And her last words were:

"Cancel my Showtime."

Intensely

magnificent
intelligent
seductive
sarcastic

young
odd
u

There's monsters in my closet,

They came to say hello

They want to take me someplace

But I don't want to go.

Thunder & gales welcome me
as my tattered Converse soak up
the puddles on the streets
Pathetic fallacy,
the attribution of human emotions to nature.
My fears are released in the form of raucous thunders,
the kind that makes you stick your fingers into your ears
to calm the fast beating of your heart
My fury is released in the form of violent winds,
thrashing the trees treacherously
without mercy
However despite the hostile effects of my emotions
something deeper lies within
released in the form of droplets
tapping against your skin,
seeping into your clothes,
leaving you cold and shivering
Melancholy.