i followed you
into the depths of your suspicions
your paranoia
your accusations cut deeper than you know
the night and day
black and white
love and hate dance we shared
brought me to the edge of my own delicate sanity
and to life itself
I loved you like no other
and hated you as I would my worst enemy
you were fire and ice
beauty and cancer
peace and war
I miss you to this day
and curse you for every day I lost

i want to write
but the words dangle like crow
on a wire
against the Sun
their black shine ablaze
i no longer fly to join them
they caw and move on
the old man is done
i watch as they become small
and fade into the darkening skies
time to put the black book away
the Sun has set

hold the silence to your ear
and hear
the voices of the dead
in their desperate loss
or eternal joy
they may cry out for one more breath of life
or
whisper the solace they have found
in the light
the soul is not lost
the spirit carries on
in the silence they await
for you and I to open our hearts

what is it that I seek
here in the dark hours
the spirit's time
I awake to fingers dancing upon
the nape of my neck
and whispers of a lost soul
seeking connection
to it's once breathing consciousness
to me
why am I drawn to your realm
perhaps the answer resides in the truth that
I was not intended
conceived against doctor's orders
avoiding certain death
many times
including my first hour
perhaps this is the reason I feel closer to you
than my mortal self
counting the breaths
as I edge nearer the kiss of death
my birth

when I died
I did not sense or feel myself
leave the body
I was just inside
and then outside
there was no sense of time
of pain
of anything other than conscience
there were no walls, no pressure
no sky or ground
no sea or wind
only thought and light
as I've never known
and then
I was not dead
all had returned
all that I had suddenly despised
blinked back in
and to miss death less
I simply wrote it off
as a beautiful nightmare