There is a place in my mind
But oh, how time flies
So I'm left to think
I’ll never get there
Been feeling this lame winged way
Since I first heard myself say
“Move at your own pace,"
My face sits against the window pane

There’s that bird,
Perched on the other side of the glass,
Worm in mouth
How is he going to figure this out?

Trapped with the fear of losing his dinner
Hopping from one branch, back to the other
My insatiable heart sings, sun shines through
We see the world beyond the trees, nest in view

I'll never get there
The feathers fall
He’s ****** too.

these are the conditions i **** myself under

never wanted anyone to smell me from the inside
feel the rattle neath my skin
i never wanted my skull to be a keepsake

sometimes you get so mad you could break your own neck
you could key every car in the parking lot

don't cry
i've got two
two
one for me
and one for you

I bet you just fall asleep
It is unrealistic and silly to me
Honestly.

(Find all the poems with “honestly,” make a song out of them.)

Or maybe I make you crazy enough to stay awake
Doesn’t make much of a difference to me
Till I drink and then I think
You mean something to me
Can’t trust yourself when there’s two of you

Flashing vision from the third eye
Don’t think about it
Honestly

See how quickly I lost you?
Like a ballon tied by a string
Chased by a kid out of reach
I float laughing merrily along

I saw your wife at the coffee shop
You know the one I always talk about
It's up East Main, la-la-la-left on Crane
You should join us some time
You do love your caffeine

Your wife reads cook books
Did you know that?
I can't even fry an egg
Green brown sunny side up or
Unassumingly most usually down
Even with her gray hairs,
She looks younger without you around
what a shame.
Did you know that if I could find a reason,
I'd slink out of my chair and I would say,
"Nice to meet you, I don't believe I know your name."

As I think about introducing myself
It dawns on me,
She probably knows who I am by now
so that won't be necessary. Besides,
nothing makes me feel like
I'm wearing glass shoes
more than you

Honestly, Honey..

I don't want to destroy the last page of the storybook
you've written for yourself and what happiness I've found
what teeny-weensy little bit..



suddenly meaningless.



I put the shoes back in her closet
Woman's eight, half size too big
Shut the light as I leave
None of this ever belonged to me
Not literally or figuratively
Put the keys in the ignition
and I'm home free

i'll just let the words fall out
of my fingertips

i can't believe
that baby.
and me,
silly therese
would give anything
to trade places
and raise him right

i read
somewhere on the internet (so
who knows how true
this will prove) they are
planning to add
fertility control agents
to our water supply

just going to poison us all,
it's no big deal
i can't help but wonder
what the **** these up-
standing americans
are thinking
                                                       ­       we ****** 3,000 babies a day

last year, alone
those "providers of the alternative"
(an alternative which soon will be mandatory-
providers of communist limitations)
made one billion dollars in revenue
and here i am, living off of cereal
with a side of
they-must-feel-bad-for-us food
thanksgiving left overs

we are guinea pigs
i feel
sometimes
there is no one looking out for us
"the number of children a woman wishes to have is up to her
with no interference from the gov'ment"
dear mr president said that,
(well, something along those lines
i've never been very good at verbatim)
then he put sterilizers in the reservoirs
coercion

i'm going to bring a child into this world
some day
and the government won't know he exists
although i'm sure that by then
we won't have a government
we will be in chaos
and unsure


not no one looking after us

Staring at this drink,
Waiting for an answer
Nothing feels better than you touching me
I'm briefly elated
Then your bright green eyes pierce through
You're hesitating and I'm searching
For words you'll find convincing
I realize that
After little deliberation
You're leaving too

Abandoned, transplanted,
Cursed, watching time in reverse
Feeling my frail white bones sink
To where my thinks don’t think
Now I hesitate,
Staring at this drink

I suppose I’ll stand
With smiles and plans, shouting in my head
"I'm here, I'm here
Don’t forget, can’t you hear?"
You treat me like a child
Playing with his friends
You don’t want me, till you see me
In some other mans hands
Well, I suppose I’ll wait
Entertain myself
With a variety of mistakes
But I'm still here,
Can’t you hear?

I hope you reach to take a bite off my fulfilling plate
I hope you never feel so foreign
So misplaced

hunger
like towering walls
of water

i won't give in though i
crave crave crave*


they won't let me get drunk
won't let me do drugs
won't let me do nothing
so nothing gets done

two miserly words
self sabatoge

There is always a new man sitting next to me
This one is humming
The last one carried a crane and tried to speak while I was eating
I was rude but what they don't know any single one of these guys sitting next to me, different every time,
Is that I have an hour to eat and drink drink drink
Till I forget about the job and the house and the friends I've hurt
One hour with nothing to do but refuel

I think a person needs more than one hour but
Time is like the water
Tightening when it's cold and
Retracting when it's warmed with the breath of lovers

My lenses become the shade of
Cranberry lemonade
Food sits uneaten in front of me

If you ever think that I’m talking too much
You should just -
Bold faced, just kiss me
And make me shut up.
Be sure to make it seem that it’s -
That it’s just because you love me,
Me when I speak..
And not that you think
I’m talking too much

Who'd of figured*
Oh, me, me, me!
I offer with my hand raised
I wake from a muddy haze
And clarity returns to me
I wore a lovely veil for days
Stared ahead, rose color my gaze
All glories fade

I miss it when the lights
Well the lights, they would come on
And I was thankful
just to breathe the beauty in
Now it's like I expect this
burning bulb to do something for me
But there's nothing to be done
There's nothing to be done for me
Longing for you I realize
It's time to put out the light

I know why we do what we do
Why we lie and hide, cover our tracks so nobody knows what we're up to

But we all find out in time
It all comes out, we all cry

And still I don't want to hurt you with my truth, but now I'll tell you,
because of what you put me through

I was 2 weeks away from giving birth to our child and you were sending **** pics to strangers on the internet
(You made me feel guilty for not folding the laundry)

I was 10 days post-partum, still bleeding barley walking, giving my body to our newborn baby
and you were
Sending **** pics to strangers on the internet
(While I hosted Christmas dinner for your family)

Your excuse is you were •lonely•
(We weren't enough for you)
I was so happy and she is so beautiful but
Still we're not good enough for you

The days of nursing Emmy were all I needed to be happy
-You-
felt left out
Blamed your deep rooted issues on me
Mentally abused for 5 years, took advantage of my depressive states
Made me think my flesh and blood was better off without me

But you know what I've learned from this horrendous discovery?
Not one bit of it was my fault
And all along, I thought it was.
My daydreams of death are long gone

Thank you, God, I'm free to live.

• Hurt hurt hurt myself today •
The demons in me laughing while I too am trapped in here screaming
The only noise is inside, theirs is the only noise I'm hearing
•
•
It just stings a little
I don't make a peep
I wait for the rest of the world to go silent

Took enough to **** a couple cats but
My hands aren't strong or steady to finish the rest

I only bled a little this time
Only a little this time
I wasn't trying to die

Just close it down
And shut your eyes darling
Boys will really break your heart blah blah blah
Don’t we ever get tired of the same narrative
I miss typing on keyboards and picking up speed
Holding down caps lock
I relinquish
all my *****
to you, breeze

These kids these days‘ve got nothing

I’m sad for them but ain’t it something
Our moms feel the same about us
Our moms feel the same about us
Like no matter how much they gave
It wasn’t enough
All they could do was teach us us teach us

This is how you get a sore tooth
If you’re gonna hold it
Might as well hold it till it wins

It's like you
Wore me as a sweater

As soon as I was
Fitting comfortably

You tore me at the seams

All it takes is
One loose thread

Pull it
Take the chance

*My only hope
Is to hang onto you

Resisting the urge to call you
Is a battle I can't fight
I might give up this time
And then I pick it up
My thumb opens a portal to everything
You're just a fingerprint away
Why did you have to do me so right
Why'd you do me so good?

It's 3 am
I'm remembering
the calm, your breathing
warmed beside me
Why'd you leave me one night

Are you really gone for good?

Maybe I think my nose is perfect
Perhaps, this whole time,
They’ve seen it is skewed.

It’s perfect to me because my
mommy and daddy made it -
I am me because of you.

Beauty to you is religious,
It follows every rule.
I let the river run;
Words flow true or untrue.

Hey, Hello
what's going on
It's been a minute
since I've said what's up
Your almighty smile
Your all-knowing face
gazing at me,
and I feel ok
I've talked to you, sure
I've pleaded my case
but it's been so long
since I've felt such grace

We disguise it as God
but it's really just us
forgiving ourselves
for the **** we have done
It's all in your perspective
the power you hold
It's in your own hands
You know this,
You know

Today I met a man named Jim
He asked about the holes in my skin
I said, "Needles *****, I'm a sick kid"
An intense conversation for having just met
Jim told me there are angels on his shoulders
They keep him steady like a candle holder
He doesn't daydream about leaping from the Sears Tower
Year after year, he's maintained his power
He should be afraid of the things that I say
"A risk you shouldn't take, you'll shoot me in your veins.
I'll eat you alive and you'll never be the same."
I'm baffled that he stays.

In my head, each day gets colder and colder
The walls raise taller, hope shrinks smaller
Addictions expand and I'm feeling older,
I've got a question for Jim, for he is still here..
Sunnier than ever and growing a beard (a contrast to my naked fear),
"Why did you ask about the holes in my skin,
Why do you feel you need to be a part of this?"
Jim takes a moment to think, Jim finally speaks,
"You are beautiful and a lovable being regardless."

i am the sadness
i am the hurt
i am the thickness of the ammonia
seeping out the walls
don't wanna be around it anymore
but what makes me feel best
is a little bit of yip
a little bit of puff
somethin small and hard
to slow me down
zone me in
clear me up
i don't wanna be around it anymore
*no dear you're not enough
is that what you wanted to hear?

My brain turns into me
When I try to think of you
Selfishly inhibiting
A crystal point of view
Regardless of the fog
Cast over outsides blue
What are these things
We take for granted?

I'm trying to learn from your mistakes
Trying to prove something true

We've no credit- no togetherness-
Just a hand held
At a hospital bed
And the man two sheets over cries
For he can only see red
I pray you turn Central Park
All it's people, and all it's green
Into a memory,
Even if it's only an aerial view
On T.V.

Can't help but wonder
If anyone
Is doing anything
That they planned

snow in october
we’re all in a dream
words are the flakes we gather,
to form one spectacular scene of serenity
there will never be another feeling like this.
ice cold coming through our boots and the chap on your lip
take it grab hold
embrace the miserable october snow

It's ***** in your lap
Hot stench cooling through your denim
It's idealistic dreams smashed
Against fragile glass that
Never had a leg to stand on
It's lies and *******
Delivered to your doorstep
It's inconsistency plain to see

But I
Couldn't let go of the pain
I let your rain fall down on me
I took it in a two step stride
What kind of fool am I
To think it'd return a favor to me

But I'm
Just a dream you couldn't keep
A lie you couldn't sleep
Through the night with
Feeling guilt free

And I
Take advantage of all things that
Show interest in me

I fight
I break up
Get drunk then
I make up
With the monster that you made me

But I had to let go of the pain

Let love rain down on me

It was fun pretending but
We'll never know

Have fun in fairy land
It never really lasts
Reality gets ahold so strong

But I

Had to let go of the pain

Let love rain down on me

We take the night
Flourish when our minds are most at ease
In between the artsy and the ghetto,
It's gonna take some doing to really change
Maybe if there's someone else
Who isn't too young to save, too irresponsible
We'd be taken to a more realistic edge
Get down and face it,
We don't need as much
As we think we do

Here we are, and here we go

I've been trapped
Lost in a cage
Planning for a great escape
But whether or not
It could happen to me,
I really can't say.
Today you're where I'm at
Where I want to be -
This can happen to me,
I believe I believe

We've investigated a thousand new names
like what I've got isn't good enough for fame
Surprise, surprise - money buys everything,
Actuality and Individuality
it's a state of realism we can't escape
Looking, you don't find flaws in anything
but you know the difference between
poetry and a shallow being
Let's be real here, crazy, let's be real
we feed off of one anothers intricacies
A beauty in ecstasy and believability
I've tried to melt into someone else
Then before nothing made sense
until you, impossibility

There's nothing to compromise
It's just you and I,
fitting
I'm not numb,
some would find that irksome
but I'm glorified in the feeling

I find that place on your chest
That beats like a bomb
A keyboard synthesized to play my song
With every breath you grow lost
Confused by each tear
A lapse in judgement, in character
I don't fear, I don't fear.

I have my fingers pressed into you
Like it means something-
"Don't you see?"
We'll be more than we ever expected could be.

let's have one of those quick loves
the kind that makes you sick love
I mean sick with longing for the
beginning, middle, and end
of this dreamy card trick love

I don't expect perfection
we're both so much less than
anyway I couldn't stomach the wait

The most of us
Upon realizing that we are purposeless
Are content with that fact
and existing as
Grace and Thankless Droids
aren't you smarter than that?

*it's all we got and you'll find it
only if you don't stop looking
it costs whatever it takes
someday, baby, someday

love to hold you
while you are still
after the stars
sprinkle their dust
it hangs in sparkles
from your lashes
your skin still damp and pink
love to hold you
after the waves
wash over the clouds
all the days creatures
paint a navy sky
leaving tiny holes so
glimpses of heaven
can peek its eyes through
love to hold you

After a day of
Rally
Sweat
Skin to skin

We come home to

Creamsicle colored sunset
Dog on the back deck
Laughter in a tree canopy

Earth's sweet nourishment
Yielding natural supply
-
It's what I march for

the sun is a halo over the steeple
blinding cast on the winter snow
most are confused by a peaceful sleep
quiet now or the reality will show


is this how life as
an insider looks?
like disciples,
they gather only to disperse
loud sheep, starving

up out of my seat,
walk fast past the pews
stained glass windows,
cold smelly books in brown
wooden rooms

through the wet white terrain

where everything sparkles like crystals
my knees were bleeding, i cried
*take me home, take me home

You know it's just Mischief,
whispering his own feather
tipped voice through your lips,
setting you inside a bushel of roses
testing your thought process
and waiting for you to get pricked?
You know that right- Hey, kid!
Hop down from that fence
We can't have you acting like this
Don't you know want to know the feeling of home?

Yes, I'll go.
I'll know.

Maybe soon but not now.*


In my imagination of perpetual rhythm,
They administer poems intravenously
We are a part of our own systems, shouting
I've no need for your Thorazine!
In my imagination of perpetual rhythm
She needs three ccs of words unfinished
And yet hopeful remedies, more like prisons,
Leave my hands from the rebellion
With no choice but to idle.

I am
The damp weight of summer
I am a day of blue skies

I am
The storm
An eruption of wind
And light

Taking you
And your confidence
Beneath
The waves

Tomorrow
When you awake
Saved by a barrel
Of gun powder
Remember
I am the soft breeze
The seagull screech
I am your savior