Year after year
Day after day
The grief is still the same
It didn’t get better
It didn’t become okay
It swallowed me whole
Refusing to let me go
I shed a tear for everyday without you
The tears are endless like the heartbreak
Days pass and suddenly I’m back to that horrid day
I’m not allowed to shut everyone out for that day
My family refuses to let me
Funny how we all lost you
And yet they still fight me on grieving for the day
But I know you’d smack me upside the head
And ask me why I’m crying
I know you’re at ease and happy
But what I would give for another night on the front porch swing
A night I didn’t know at the time but would become one of the many memories I now hold onto like my life depends on it
But I know it doesn’t
But your memory does
And I use your memory as my life support
I miss you Grandpa
I love you Grandpa
I wish I told you that more often when you were still here

I’m not heartless, I just learned how to use my heart less