Alone and forgotten
Like a crumbled sheet of paper
Until I found you
With your goofy laugh and charming heart
Your love locked me down
Enslaving me in a forever happiness with your tender lips and embracing arms
Sometimes fear appears
Thoughts of loosing your love
Thoughts of not being enough
But life goes on and at the end of the day
My heart beats with yours
my eyes admire you as you admire me
And our last words are always
I love you

Death shall be my greatest achievement.

A girl sits

     *in a cell

One that she's made

     for herself

Her eyes closed

     and she dreams

For a better tomorrow

       one where she leaves

With no looks back

       *and she is free

I strive for a great escape.

School is like a jungle
Walking down paths with large trees in your way
I hate it
Like the stars hate the moon for being noticed before they are

The worst part is sitting in class
The males act like lions
Staring at me as if I'm their pray
Like I'm but something that is used to satisfy them

But the even worse part of school
Is when a student gets a text from their parents
They'll complain about it
Like their no grateful to have a parent who cares enough to check up on them

People never really know how lucky they are
Unlike me
I just sit on the side
Wishing and dreaming I had someone who cares

I want to know what it's like to love someone
Of course I've been captured by someone's heart
Enveloping my heart with there's
But I never truly loved someone

I've never seen fireworks when I kiss
I've never had my heart race into an impossible speed
I've never actually wanted to hold hands
I've never been okay with looking back into someone's loving eyes

I've never loved someone

I've never been captured by someone's heart
Enveloping my heart with theirs
and sealing the envelop shut
I've never loved someone
But I'd like too

I am sad
Sad to breath
Sad to have no one
Sad to be lost
Sad to be forgotten
Sad to have anger
Sad to be hurt

I am happy
Happy to live
Happy to have God
Happy to be free
Happy to wonder
Happy to not drink or smoke
Happy to be loved

I am almost free of my tragedy

Let's not think about our days of noise and shatter
lets all take a moment and just breath
breath in the future
exahle the past
and seek
seek a dream
and seek a great perhaps

My heart is pathetic
Why it still beats is a mystery
People don't understand
How much I hate myself
Or the way the thought of cutting my throat brings joy to me
I wish today was my last day
Oxygen is the enemy
Death is the beginning
I don't wanna go to heaven
Allow me to say hello to hell
So then I won't have to hurt myself
The demons with in me will burn me
Pain forever taking me
Soul painted black
My heart is pathetic

When I cut myself
I feel at peace
As if no one can hurt me
Because I'm already hurting myself
Ill never forget the way I sit in the bathroom floor
Or the way my legs stretch out on the floor
Or how my back feels pressed against the wall
Or even how I hold the blade in my right hand
Ill never forget the way
The blade feels against my left arm
How the blood  slips through my skin
Or how the world gets find of quiet
When I cut myself
I feel at peace
As if no one can hurt me
Because I'm already hurting myself

I want my lungs to refuse oxygen
I want blood to stop flowing through my veins
I want my heart to stop beating

I want my body to be motionless
I want my body to say goodbye
I want my body to decompose

I want to leave this world
I want to no longer hear
I want to no longer have a voice

I want to hold a gun in my mouth
I want to pull the trigger
*I want to **** myself

Remember that night
When I angered you
You were so mad
I was so upset
I've never met anyone so stubborn
I told you I was sorry
I told you I didn't mean it
I told you I loved you
You said goodbye

It's 5am
I can't sleep
You text me
and simply say you love me
I ask why
Thinking your still mad at me
And you said
*i want you to know that I love you even when I'm mad at you

I can't stop thinking about it
My body is filled with confusion
My heart barley beats
They say they took advantage of me
Yet I remember nothing

I can't stop thinking about it
My mind is filled with uncertainty
The time is not rememberable
They say they took advantage of me
Yet I tell myself it's a lie

Living in fear
You are not here
Arms bleeding
Take my life
I don't care

Living in fear
You are not here
Knees to ground
I hate everything
It feels so cold

Living in fear
You are not here
Not going to bother
I'm screaming
Not one can hear

Living in fear
You are not hear
Wished I would die
Becoming a zombie
Broken dream are forgotten

Living in fear
You are not hear
Not moving on
I don't need to be hear
Life is regretful

I don't remember friday night
I remember drinking
I remember telling people not to let anyone hurt me
Then I remember waking up with jeans on but no *******

Now I remember voices
Familiar voices telling me what happened
How those to guy went to the room I was passed out in
And took advantage of me

I'm tired of drinking and making mistakes
*Allow me to wake up from this horror

You make nothing into something
You argue about little things
You get angry over something so small
You make simple things difficult
You are very controlling
To be honest your just a ****
Everybody says I should leave you
That you don't treat me right
But what they don't understand is that
your my ****
And even though you do all these things
I can't help but smile when you argue with me
Your face when your mad
The way your voice gets higher when you yell
I can't help but laugh
Your just so adorable

Once upon a time
There was a girl
Who made mistakes

She was imperfect
She was judged
She was weak

She's the type of girl with a lot of secrets
The kind she wished she could tell

Like the night so long ago
She was only 15
Just wanted to have fun

She's called a *****
For losing her virginity to a 24 year old
She just wanted to have fun

But what people don't know
What secret she buries deep inside
Is she didn't want to

But in her mind
Being remembered as a *****
Is better then being remembered as the girl who got rapped

Once upon a time
There was a girl
Who made mistakes

She was imperfect
She was judged
She was weak

It is so hard being with you
When knowing you are a man of the army
I fear that one day you will leave
One day you will leave and never return

We've known each other for such a short time
So I cannot say I love you
But i can promise you one thing
I can promise that if you ever leave

I will always be here... *waiting for you

It took one love
To break my heart
Only by losing my trust

It took one love
To break my heart
Only for me to end up with him

It took one love
To break my heart
Only for me to get beat by another

I thought being with him would distract me
From my once upon broken heart
Instead it ended differently

He called me pretty
Said no strings attached
Got me drunk

Now my head aches
From being slammed against the wall
Atleast the finger prints on my back are gone

It took one love
To break my heart
To make me realize I don't need a man

I am happy
I gaze at the stars
I sing in the shower

It too one love
To break my heart
Only to let me find true happiness

I didn't love you
I thought I did
I thought I needed you

when only all I needed was a hand to hold when I'm in tears
and for a light to guide me in my darkest nights.

It took one love
To break my heart
Only to let me realize that I needed my mother

I don't wanna hear talks
I want to hear your foot steps when you walk
Then I'll know your gone

This is so pathetic
Like you when you broke my heart
Making everything tragic and dramatic
Making me get a wish
A wish of wanting everything to be extatic

This distance between us
This broken heart of mine
This hole I keep feeling
Hurts me more then the blade
The blade I pierce into my wrist

I've been missing you
My hearts been missing
As well as my soul

You created me
Made the happy person I was
Then your lips opened
To the women whom carried you in her whom

I was weak
I couldn't handle the pressure
So I let go

But I've been missing you
My hearts been missing
As well as my soul

I've learned that God will take if you don't appreciate.

Days painted gray
Suffocating with forever darkness
Standing before a mirror
Bleeding cracks upon my wrist
Nails digging deep in my neck
Torn skin in search of happiness
Aching head banged against walls
Causing too much pain to myself

I am unfixable

Tears forever escape my eyes
Nose bleeds red tears
Too many Xanax's for me to bare
Not enough alcohol
Too numb the aching in my body

I am shaking
I am alone
I am ****** up
I am hurting
I am broken
I am angry
I am dissatisfied
I am insane
*I am unfixable

Oxygen doesn't seem to like me
And I cant seem to like it
I wish for my lung to close up
I wish for a rope to wrap around my throat
I wish for knife to rip my heart
I wish to say goodbye to this life
life
Its so painful
I cannot bare
I cannot think
All I can do is hurt myself
While in process of gluing the pieces of my broken heart

I remember the bits of gold painted in your eyes
Just like I remember the way you'd look at me as if I was the most beautiful girl in the world

I remember the roughness of your gently hands
Just like I remember the feeling of your arms around me

I remember the way you would kiss me
Just like I remember the tingly feeling of your lips against mine

I remember the love that we once shared
Just like I remember this feeling of not belonging to you anymore

I remember the way you spoke I love you
Just like I remember the way you spoke goodbye

*I will never forget you my one true love.

My smile is a camouflage
Too disguise my broken heart
It's only fair to keep my suffering heart hidden
It wouldn't be polite to make my loved ones suffer
By watching me suffer

Sitting on a chair
The color of yellow
Made if plastic and metal

Wearing tight ripped skinny jeans
With warm snug boots
That just so happenly to be planted upon a table

Widow by my left side
Giving view of a chilly day
Blue sky painted with gray clouds
And trees filled with branches and no leaves

Tick tock tick tock
Says the clock on my right side
Time is too slow
This class is too long
Just another ordinary boring day at school

I'm feeling so small
My heart beat is too slow
My head achs

Such a shame
I can't get away
From all that noise and shatter

Where have you been?
It's unfair
Not having you here I mean
I know you can fix me

I'm trying
Too deal with the pain
But the blade keeps piercing
Piercing into my skin

Is this what you call happiness?
Where have you been?
Where have you been?
That question running through my mind
I dont understand
I dont know whom I'm asking
This anonymous someone
Come just a little bit closer
Your exactly what I need

I can't deny
I'll die without this
But I promise
I'm trying to deal with the pain

As much as I hate to admit
Long ago
In chapters far before this one
I was addicted
And let's not forget
How much I miss the
Oh so wonderful taste
Of alcohol lingering in my mouth

A wise man once told me
If you live for nothing
You will die for anything

Life is so ruff
So many mistakes
So many rain drops on my cheeks
I make mistakes
So do you
It's not even that serious
So don't be mad

I don't need you
I only allow you in
If I want you in
Don't tell me I need you
I'm fine with being alone

But I'll still shed a year
If you decide to disappear

I'm sorry if your mad
If your angry
Or disappointed
But it's not even that serious

I say I don't care
But now
In the moment
I'd like three things
A blunt
A blade
And some alcohol

Talking to me
Not even noticing
That I've been crying

That night
So long ago
I was so young
They were so old

Moon out
Stars out
Alcohol in hand
Quickly falling down our throats
Blunt in hand
Press softly against lips
Mist of only short happiness

That night
So long go
I was so young
They were so old

Moon out
Stars out
Per-pressure falling against me
I shake my head
Say no
Voices surround me
Say yes

That night
So long ago
I was so young
They were so old

Moon out
Stars out
Foot against gas petal
Hand on steering wheel
Giggling and laughing
then....
Darkness

That night
So long ago
I was so young
They were so old

Moon out
Stars out
The car is crashed
I'm being shoved out of the car
Fingers pointing
Telling me to run
My hands shake
I shed tears
Everyone in the car is alright

but what about outside the car?

Everything's black
Then it's morning
I'm still a 12 year old girl
Who looks ALOT older
Trying to be cool
Hangout with the college kids
**** it!
We all know I'm a ***** up.

JD I love you.
***** to say you were the strong one.
The one taking the blame for someone else's doing.
We all know I'm a **** up.
Don't lie and cover it up.
I'm 17 now.
It's about time I take responsibility for my actions.
*but not this one... Not yet... Maybe not ever

At one point in my life
I was a grenade
Waiting for the perfect moment
To destroy everything that I loved

At this point in my life
I am a sun
Waiting to shine bright
To make the darkness disappear

*Everything is finally falling into place.

This fist of a man
Who painted pictures
Of black and blue
On a woman
Is a *anker that crushes the heart

I've seen too many bad things. I want too change.

Laying in bed
Telling secrets
Asking questions
*I miss those days.

I don't feel the need to eat anymore.
*So I'm not going too...

Hating life
so simple
Everybody's doing
everyday...
Instead of being grateful
For majestic things in life

Life...

It's difficult
Being happy I mean
Such evil
scattered like broken glass
All through land and sea
Of an majestic life
Majestic life only bringing tear drops and blood stains

Life

Difficulties
Of open eyes
To four black walls

Life

Sipping alcohol
Smoking ****
Blood drenched skin
Eyes drowned in tears
Skin color of black and blue
**I'm most definitely positive that I'm doing this whole teenager thing wrong.

My heart
Has no love
You cant destroy what was never there

Your heart
Has love
You make me laugh
You make me sick
Love is nothing but a camouflage of what resembles ragging in

My smile was taken long ago
I am to dark to care
I thought I'd tell you
My heart is a mist of darkness
Just incase you didn't know

You'll always forget me
But
Even with a dark heart
Even with no love
I'll always beg
Beg for you to
forget me not

I cannot love you
For I have no love
So please pack your bags and leave
But don't let me know
I'll sip my alcohol and slit my throat

Intending to go to church
Intended on going for a while
Life's too busy
Busy reading, doing school work
Keeping an high education
Sleepless nights
Moody days
Poisonous blood rushing through my veins
Grass to my lips
Misty smoke lumped in my throat
Fulfilling taste of alcohol
Consumed by darkness
No loved felt heart
No God in my life
At least I'm making straight A's
Doing good in school
Allows people to think everything's okay
*Someone save me