3:36 AM
Close the door quietly
You're looking out the window like a flower to the sun
Silent enough to hear the esoteric whispers between mountains
We left our souls on the pavement
And our essence on each other

i wrote a letter on a napkin,
Left it in the break room for all to see,
Butterflys & dragon wings,
Dented brains,
Zombies are lame,
Apostolic Atmosphere,
Coke pancakes,
Canadian convos,
Metaphorically you're a drawr in reverse,
I'm not ****** just lonely.

I won't fall in love with you for the way your hair cascades your shoulders
I won't get hooked on the way your body sways when you walk
And I won't focus on the small flaws that society highlights every day

I am not your average person
I'm an *******, a ****
Sometimes I don't think ahead
I've gotten myself into unsettling situations
And I tend to be self-destructive

But love terrifies me, it intimidates my self control
Because when I fall in love with you
It will be with the way your eyes glow when you speak
The beautiful chime of your voice when you answer the phone
The way my arms fit perfectly around you as you lean into me

I'll fall in love with the way we understand one another
And with the fear that consumes me
As I contemplate why someone as wonderful as you
Whose "flaws" I'll fall more in love with every day
Chose my broken soul
To make you feel whole.

she spoke to me
with a cold, hard voice
and i looked at her
like a sweet soft
touch on the bare skin,
and i loved her
just like that.

I am brittle, not broken.

I am fragile, yet stronger than any part of me that ever begged for mercy from the sweet darkness that inhabits my silent hours.

My diagnosis will not define me. It is but a drop in the oceans of love that swell and ebb behind my vacant stare.

My mind may be tainted, it will often descend into darkness but it ascends to the light with such glorious grace that I am grateful for the duality.

I sometimes hold on too tightly as I quake amongst dreams of letting go.  White knuckles and curled fingers cling to the void that becomes my existence as my dark companion enters without pause or invitation and dances through my day with numbing ease. 

Today I will refuse to follow.

Inside my head is a pond
Where you swim around making ripples
Spreading through my veins
The waves are making my skin tickle
Pouring out between my lips
As the tide turns them into giggles
Streaming down like a waterfall
While the floodings have me *******

Let me tell you something, Sir

You are the reason of my endless waits.
You, Sir, are the reason
Women like me drink coffee at 10 p.m
Believing that maybe
Only maybe
I would hear your voice at 3 a.m
Before I unwillingly fall asleep at 3:10 a.m
To wake up the next morning cursing my coffee.



-LynnAA