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Phoenix-Rising Apr 2020
noun
1. an intense feeling of deep affection
   •a deep romantic or ****** attachment to someone
   •affectionate greeting conveyed to someone on one’s behalf
2. this thing, this emotion, that connects you to someone, making you care about them, worry about them, and want to spend time with them
   •it often causes you to feel things that you can’t comprehend, let alone explain
   •a complicated and beautiful emotion
3. the way i feel about you
4. a great interest and pleasure in something
5. a person or thing that one loves
   •a friendly form of address
   •used to express affectionate approval for someone
6. a learned emotional dependency stemming from parental relations and human interaction
7. a score of zero; nil or nothing
verb
1. to feel a deep romantic or ****** attachment to (someone)
   •like or enjoy very much
2. to selflessly desire the very best for a person
thanks to eighth grade english class for teaching me about definition poems
Phoenix-Rising Apr 2020
Sometimes I am sad,
like, really sad
And I don’t know
how else to describe it

Like, everything could be fine,
great even, and then
All of a sudden
I’m not feeling fine anymore

And then my mind goes off
to all the things I should do
But I know
I really shouldn’t

For example,
I was sitting here,
doing homework,
and it hit me all of a sudden

The thought that
I should go up to the bathroom
and purge, again,
Even though I haven’t eaten

And then I thought
That maybe I should
Go up and take my pills
Like more than the lethal dose

But then I thought
Who does that help?
Because then I’m not here
for my sisters

So then I turned
To thoughts of
blades or flames
And where I could hurt that you wouldn’t see

But then I thought of her
and how that’s not fair of me
How my mental illness impacts
everyone else around me

So instead of turning
to all of those dark things
That I use to comfort me
I decided to write poetry
I’m not blaming anyone for their mental illness in this poem, I’m just talking about my own experiences.
Also sorry for using the word like so much, I just do that sometimes. You can’t really blame me, I am a teen girl.
Phoenix-Rising Apr 2020
when i sprained my ankle
i could point to where it hurt
and the doctors knew how to fix it

when i cut my face open on the pool
you could see what was wrong
and the doctors gave me stitches

when i felt sad enough to cut myself
i couldn’t find a place where it didn’t hurt
and the doctors didn’t know how to fix me

when i felt like my world was crumbling
i just told them i was sad
and the doctors gave me prozac

so now when i feel like i need help
i seem to wait too long,
like it needs to be visible to count

like i need to be in physical pain for it to count
but if it hurts when i’m sad,
why doesn’t that count too?
Phoenix-Rising Apr 2020
My heart is a black hole
With nothing and everything inside
But then I think of you
And I am still sad
But the black hole fades
And light begins to creep back in
Just short poetry on how you make me feel.
Phoenix-Rising Apr 2020
I want so badly
To be naked with you
To be comfortable enough in my skin
To let you see all of me

I want us
To be alone together and 
For you to lay with me
And feel at home
Phoenix-Rising Apr 2020
My eyes flick
from the top of my head to my toes
My mind flips insults and
around they go never leaving me alone

My hair a vague pinkish peach color,
I think I like it but then again I also hate it
It really could’ve been cute
if it weren’t on me

My finger tips
pinch, pinch, pinching at my skin
Acne scars
will soon replace the blood stains on my cheeks

Upon close inspection
you’ll see my eyes are red, almost bloodshot
Maybe some sleep could fix this
but I’m much too tired to sleep

My nose is swelling
if I just stopped pick, pick, picking at it
Maybe it would return to normal size
still I attack the blackheads on its tip

My lips are pale
better eating habits lead to better circulation
But my eating habits are just that,
habits I can’t seem to shake

Double chin disguised as skin
tilt, tilt, tilting my head just right
It’s barely visible
until I take a harder look

Small ***** in my genes I suppose
if I wear just the right bra,
Display them just so, and stay still
they still look just as pitiful

Down from arms to elbows
I scratch, scratch, scratch at the skin
Scabs ripped from their constellation spots,
leaving new pits

These hands
seem much too large for me
But still they can’t seem to hold on
to the things that matter the most

I can’t see my ribs
**** in, in, in hold my breath just right
That somehow makes me
happy, to see them like that

Stomach bloated
and covered in cat scratch scars
Don’t worry I promise
that’s all they are

Down to hips
jut, jut, jutting out through my underwear
Sharp enough to cut someone
who isn’t paying enough attention

Fat thighs,
the scars here spell words,
UGLY SL*T
no kitty cat wrote that

Scabby knees
bring up, up, up happier days
Memories of when falling down
wasn’t yet a metaphor

Prickly hairs
on pale legs stick out
A reminder of the way I’m staying home
and have no one to see and nothing to do

Now to my ankles
sprained one, two, three times in a year
Back when pain
was a more visible thing

And finally feet
actually the thing I hate least
About this body and this mind
so I guess that’s all, goodbye
I don’t like looking in the mirror, and I think that’s true for most girls my age. Maybe I’m wrong, but it just seems that most of us have so many insecurities that we just want to hide away and never talk about.
Phoenix-Rising Apr 2020
You love me
Like a dog loves a bone
Or a cat loves a mouse

Which is to say
You love me for a while
Until I no longer taste good

You love me long enough
To carve tooth marks into me
But not long enough for it to stop hurting

You love me
Like a tree loves water
Or the sky loves the stars

Which is to say
You love me when you need me
When I am there and there’s no one better

You love me half the time
When there’s not too much of me
When I am accentuating your beauty

You love me
Like you love yourself
Or I love myself

Which is to say
You love me sometimes
Despite all of the pain

You love parts of me
The parts that are there when I’m happy
Or when I pretend to be happy

You love me
The way you know how to
And I love you the way I do
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