I feel as though I'm empty
And as if my feelings will overflow

I feel as though I love you
And as if I cant feel at all

I feel as though I want to try
And as if I've given up on life

I feel as though I want to see you smile
And as if I want to erase it from my mind

I feel as though you made me happy
And as if you broke me apart

I feel as though I feel too much
And as if I don't feel at all

I feel as though I want to be alone
And as if I never want to let you go

I cantradict myself
And my feelings when it comes to you
But also when it comes to me

I wish to not feel this way
As you dont feel this way for me

Every night I flee
I flee the place most would call home
For to me the place is just a house

Every night I escape
I escape into my mind
While music follows close behind

Every night I drown
I drown in every feeling I've ever felt
In the feeling of unconsensual hands
Brought on by the memories in my mind

Every night I go outside
Into the dark as it holds me tight
Closer and safer then any person
Has ever felt

I can be me
I can be free
But thats honestly
Scary

I think of all the times I said no
And the times I couldnt speak

I think of all the times no ones listened to me
But then they treat me like I never said a thing
And I become a problem

I scream in my mind
Feeling left behind

I claw at desperate feelings
Of the smallest sliver of happy

I crave the warmth and safety
That I felt in your arms
The arms that are no longer mine
But still hold me close from time to time

I fade from reality as I wish to escape to a place
With no more pain

But I dont want to die
For I fear to be alone

I dont want to die knowing I always had to be on my own
Except for those short 2 years
With you.

I drown as I gaze
Into the endless blue
Of the sky

I think of all the poeple
Possibly doing the same

Thinking about this
Thinking about that
Thinking about everything
And nothing

As you stare into the endless blue
Are you thinking of me
As I think of you

As you stare into the endless blue
Do you think or heartbreak
And what could have been?
Or do you think of love
And what is?

As you stare into the endless blue
Are you sad
And lonely?
Or happy
As you can confidently say
"I have someone to hold me"

Everyone who spirals
Into the endless blue
Will spiral into thoughts
About everything
And nothing

But the question is
Are you happy
Or depressed?

Hello
This is my introduction
Of me

My name is that of a flower
My name is Daffodil
A choice made by
My mother

I was born when all flowers bloom
Into the world
When all things warm up again

My past isn't bright
Like the month I was born
It's dark and cold
As if I was stuck in a never ending
December

Regardless of my past
I remain resiliant
And hopeful
Of all the things to come

My favorite colours are
White
Pink
And orange
But I walk the halls wearing mostly
Shades of yellow

I have many friends
And blend in among all types
Of crowds
Shining bright as can be
Spreading sheerful smiles
Among everybody

I tend to tuck myself away among friend groups
That have already been established
They appreciate my company
For they say I keep the pests away
With my cheerful display

I have unfortunately earned the nickname of daffy
But people say they like it
Because it dulls me down a bit
And apperently I need that

So hello
This is me
I hope one day we meet

You have decided you no longer
Want to know me

You say I'm too much
You say you feel
Like ****
When you're around me
So you've decided
To leave

I'm devastated
But at the same time
I'm relieved
And I dont know why

Maybe it's because I won't hear you
Telling me all the things I do
That are wrong

Maybe it's because I won't hear you
Telling me how I make you feel
And that
Its not good

I won't hear you say
"You don't make me feel okay"

I won't hear you say
"I dont want your help"
Because if I help you
Then you'll want me around

I won't hear you say
"You're too much to handle"

I won't hear you say
"You get in the way"
When all I do
Is try to help you
Except for when im really not okay

I won't hear you say
"I'm sorry, I can't help"
When you never even tried

So yeah
Maybe I'm relieved
Because I can finally see
That you were toxic to me

Maybe I'm relieved
Because I can finally see
How you truly treated me

If I ignore the hugs
The cuddles
The butterflies
The smiles
The walks
The holding hands
The peaceful nights

I can remember all the times
That you treated me like ****
And they exceed the ones
Where you didn't.

You weren't toxic
For once I found someone healthy
But of course the way I am ruins it

Do you ever just
Sit on the bathroom floor
Staring at the blades
Hoping someone will know
Maybe send a text that will save you
From bleeding tonight

Do you ever just
Lay in bed
Wondering where
Everything went so wrong
Wondering why you are so hard
To love

Do you ever just
Go for a walk
And wonder who else is
Walking around lonely
Wishing to run into another
So that maybe they can be the one
To save you from yourself

Do you ever just
Drown in music
Staring at the roof
The stars
Or the ground beneath your feet
And wonder how many others
Feel the way you do
Or if you're the only one
Whose at the limit tonight

Do you ever just
Wish to be on the moon
But with no air to breath
So that you can finally
Die in peace

It washes my emotions away
And make me feel free
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

I hold it in my hands to numb them
And it makes me feel at peace
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

It drips down my skin
And soothes me deep within
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

It holds me close
And makes me feel less alone
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

It heats me up all over
And sends my body into overload
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

It makes all thoughts disappear
And leaves me breathless
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

The thought of it sets me at ease
And fills me with a weird sense of peace
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

I say I'm alright
I say i'm okay
But you don't see the smile
When it falters form my face

You see the happiness
And the laughs you hear
But you're not there when I start to fear

You're not there when I question
All that life
Is to me

You're not there when I question
What it means
To be

I say I'm alright
I say I'm okay
But really deep down
I'm starting to decay

You linger there
In the back of my mind
Like a ghost
Held in by time

You linger there
Trying to push your way forward
Urging me to think
About
YOU

You linger there
But I don't want you to

For everytime I let you forward
I start to smell your scent

For everytime I let you forward
I start to feel your presence

For everytime I let you forward
I'm rendered
Silent
Unmoveable

For everytime I let you froward
You haunt me

You linger there
Taunting me
Haunting the darkest corners of
Me

YOU

That's all I can think about
morning and day

YOU

Set my heart on fire

YOU

Make me feel warm everywhere

YOU

Ignite my feelings that I hid away

YOU

Are all that I can think about

You set my mind
My heart
My soul
And everything within
On fire

I sit here and I read old messages
And it sparks feelings
I never wanted to feel again

I'm scared of what you do to me
Cause the last time
The person completely broke me

I sit here and think of
YOU
And I smile
And I squeal
And my heart sets itself on fire

Whenever you cross my mind
My whole body feels ignited

Whenever you cross my mind
I can't think of anything else

YOU
YOU
YOU

And nothing else
Until the fire goes out

As I sit here and watch you play
My heart plays
A tune of its own

My heart plays a tune
That rings out
I love you

My heart plays a tune
That says to
Stick around

My heart plays a tune
That hopefully
Means something to you

I sit here on the floor
Waiting
Just contemplating

Should I call
Or should I not?
Because I don't want to wake you up
And I've already called once
Today

I sit here and I wait
Hovering over the button
Hesitating

Should I call
Or just suffer in my silence
Because if you don't pick up
That's how It'll be anyway

But the chance
That you might Just answer and talk
Makes me sit here and hover

Because the sound of your voice
Already makes me feel better
And you know just what to say
To make me feel less sad
To not feel as bad

So I'll sir here and hover
Contemplating
And just
Waiting
............

I wanna fall asleep
On call
While I look at you
And remember everything you do

I wanna laugh with you
On call
While I smile at you
Remembering all the things
You make me feel

I wanna smile with you
On call
While I blush
Remembering all the things
You said

I wanna hold you
In person
Well I think of
The memories
That the scent of you brings

I wanna kiss you
In person
Well my mind fills with nothing
But the soothing sweetness
Of nothing

I wanna hold onto you
In person
As you pick me up
And remind me why
I never gave up on love

Reading in the night
With just a lil bit of light

I start to think
Is it really my that he likes?

Or is the person in the book
Who seems very much like me
Right?

Is she right when she wonders
If it's just who
He seemed to first be

Because things seem to be fading
Much more than growing
And that's not something I can bare

So tell me
Is it me you like?

Or did you like my first presence
That shone much more bright?

It counts as consent
Because I never said no
But my mind was screaming
Please stop
Just go

It counts as consent
Because I didn't push you away
But my eyes were pleading
And trying to say
Go away

It counts as consent
If I don't say a thing
But you ignore the pain
And the fear in my eyes

You don't care for me
You just want to look at my body

So please just go
Leave me alone

Mark my skin pricked with sin
Leave it bruised and scarred

******* lips ridden with secrets
Leave them red and hard

Touch my body marked by memory
Leave it red and carved

Take my hand ruled by demand
Leave it bleeding and broke

Take my heart
Take my soul
Leave them torn
Not whole

There's you
and there's him

He makes my insides
feel as though
they are on fire
and a storm has set in

You make my insides
grow butterflies
and feel as though
a calm has set in

He makes my face flush
with embarrassment
and pleasure

You make my face flush
with shyness
and warm weather

He humiliates me
and it makes me want
his touch
to a new degree

You praise me
and it makes me want
to stay in your arms
forever

He likes me
but he doesn't know yet
to what he's agreed

You love me
but you don't yet know
what that'll mean

I love him
and you

But my heart burns with a completely different passion
for him
then for you

For he's a gentle storm

And you're a chaotic summer

You heat me up and make me warm

When you kiss my skin
I love the burn

You light me up as you die down
Not even my tears can make you drown

I can feel the damaged emotions
On the tips of your fingers

I can feel the whispered silence
On the cracks of your lips

I can taste the wasted innocence
On the tip of your tongue

I can feel the gentle heartbreak
On the smoothness of your chest

I can feel the damaged distance
On the edges of your words

You aren't perfect
And you aren't a beautiful poem
But you are what I've fallen for

I want to feel every inch
Of your heartbreak

I want to feel every second
Of your whispered truth

I want to feel
All of the broken
That you hold within

I want to take your broken soul
And hold it all together

I want to feel it on my lips
And on the tips of my fingers

I want to feel it in my heart
And as you run your hand along my body

I want your heart next to mine
Even if it's a disaster

I feel as though I'm falling
With no real destination

I feel as though I'm falling
With no plan on where to land

I feel as though I'm falling
In mind
And it heart

I'm falling for you
And I'm falling out of this
But into that

I'm falling with no real destination
But away
And forward

I'm falling away
From the things
You say

I'm falling away
From the things
You do

I'm falling away
From the I love yous

I'm falling away
Because you tell me you love me
Even though your faith fell away

I'm falling away
Because even though you tell me you care
You're efforts have gone astray

I'm falling away
Because I feel as though
You're falling away
From me

On the other hand

I'm falling for him
For the things he says

I'm falling for him
For the things he does

I'm falling toward
A possible I love you

I'm Falling for him
Because even though there's no love
The faith seems to be there
and hopefully will stay

I'm falling for him
Because he shows me he cares
Even without the words

I'm falling for him
Because when he holds me tight
My heart feels warm

I'm falling for him
Because when he looks in my eyes
I feel seen

I'm falling for him
Because I feel as though
He's falling towards me

I'm falling
With no real destination
But up and away
Down and forward
Around and around

Until eventually my thoughts
Have me drowned

When I'm with you
I feel as though
Not even the strongest wind
Could knock me down

When I'm with you
I feel as though
Not even the biggest waves
Could drown my thoughts

When I'm with you
I feel as though
Not even the darkest nights
Could hide my smiles

When I'm with you
I feel as though
Not even my worst thoughts
Could hide my feelings

When I'm with you
I feel as though
Not even the harshest rain
Could dampen my emotions

When I'm with you
I feel as though
I can be free

I feel as though
I can be me

I feel as though
My hearts no longer trapped

For when I'm with you
I feel as though
Anything could be

I sit here and I think to myself
Are all the versions of me
Just captured pieces of the same personality?

I sit here and wonder
If Raven and River
Could see all the same
Would they eventually feel less pain?

I sit here and wonder
If Raven and Keara
Understood one another
Would we learn not to hate?

I sit here and wonder
If Raven and Rain
Could see eachother
Would we still be the same?

I sit here and wonder
What may happen
As we each grow and change

I sit here and wonder
Once we can all see
Feel
And communicate
Our pain

Will
I
Still
Be the same?

It's only been about a week
But I can already tell
That I'm falling for you

When you look me in the eye
My stomach fills with butterflies

When you hold my hand
I feel safe
And as if
I never wanna let go

When you pull me close
I feel warm
And as if
I want to hold your heart
Close to mine forever

When I hear your voice
My face flushes with excitement
And I feel as if
I want you to never stop talking

When you play the bass
I get lost in thought
And I feel as if
I could stay right there forever

When you comfort me
I feel understood
And I feel as if
I could tell you anything

I know it's only been
About a week

But my heart feels as it
It's falling for you

You watch
And you wait

You wait for an opportunity to strike
But not through eyes of your own

You watch and you wait through the eyes of others
And of cameras conveniently placed

You watch and you wait behind false walls of safety
For you fear the actuality of potentially being caught

So you flee the front lines and watch from afar
Through the eyes of others watching in fall

You wait for me to falter
To waver
To crack
But I won't let it show

I won't show that I'm always on edge
Waiting for eyes to be following me
Across the ledge of privacy

I won't show that I'm afraid
To step away from this home
Where even in safety I feel scared and alone

I won't show that my heart breaks Whenever someone tells me they'll try
To do something to you

For I know they cant
And they may never be free if they try
Because deep down
I know
That you wont hesitate to hurt
Maybe even to ****

Even though I may
Waver
Falter
Then break

I wont show it for when I do it'll be
My own silent escape

Consume me within you

As I walk through the dark
Through the gate of another world
Consume me within you

Wrap me in your pain
And consume me within your rage

You are my companion
And my worst fear

You whisper to me the lies people tell
Then turn around and whisper your own

You whisper to me the hate in peoples hearts
Then turn around and consume me within your own

Sometimes I wish for you to let me go
But without you
I feel as if I'm no one

Nonexistent

Like the smallest whisper carried by the wind
Could wisp my will away

So no
Don't go

Wrap me in the dark
And pull me into the darkest corners of reality
As you consume me
Within you

I have had many houses
But never a home
Until I found you

When I was younger I didn't have a home
In the sense that
My heart was alone

When I was younger I didn't have a home
In the sense that
I couldn't drop the fake smile
Until I was on my own

I didn't have a home
Just a house or two
But then
My heart led itself to you

I no longer feel alone
Because now my heart is yours
And yours mine

I no longer feel alone
Because now I know I can be myself
Even when around you

I no longer feel alone
Because now I live with you
For the time being
And you have made this place feel like a home

So
I'm no longer alone with only a house

For now I have you
And you come with a home

And I know that even when I leave
I won't be alone

I find myself missing you

I wake up to our memories calling my name
I fall asleep to my forbidden fantasies
Pulling me away

I find myself missing you
Night
And day

But
I'm happy
With who I'm with now
So why does my heart remind me of you
Whenever I take a break
From the smile on my face

I was too broken for him
And too broken for her
Eventually you're gonna see
That I'm too broken for you

I say things are fine
When really they aren't

I do this because
I don't want you to leave
I don't want you to break my heart

But doing this tears me apart

But now you brought stuff up
That's started a fight
And it's pulling you
Away from me

I waited for you to say
I love you
And you finally have
But not in the setting I wanted
As you have now left me here
On my own
Because you need to think

But please
Don't be like everyone else

Don't leave me

In reality
I'm alright
Theres a smile on my face
I say "I'm okay"
You see a person
Whose happy
And positive

Metaphorically
The I'm alright screams help
The smile says save me
The I'm okay really says "see the truth"
I'm not a person anymore
I'm my own monster
I'm sad
And broken

In reality
I'm pretty
Beautiful
And cute
You see someone whose thin
You see someone with nice hair
You see someone with beautiful eyes
You see someone whose looks seem flawless

Metaphorically
I'm ugly
Unattractive
And unappealing
I see someone whose overweight
I see someone whose hair needs to be changed alot to look okay
I look in my eyes and all I see is my demons
I look at my self and all I see is scars
The visible
And invisible

In reality
My mom seems happy
My dad is not as bad
My brother is nicer
My dog is less afraid
I have friends
I'm mentally alright
Theres nothing but the dark at night

Metaphorically
My moms not alright
My dad is worse and gradually becoming more comfortable around me
My brother is always putting up an act
My dog is oblivious
My friends are the shadows
My mentality is destroying itself
And theres monsters that lurk in the night

This is my metaphorical actuality
Because
The metaphors are the reality
And the reality is my metaphor

You broke me
Beyond repair
Beyond help

Because now my heart isn't just shattered
But also torn
And fractured
If its even there at all

You took my trust
Then threw it to the wolves

You took my love
Then through it into flames

You took my fear
And magnified it

You took my pain
And watered it whole

You broke me
Beyond repair

Theres a key to a room in a place I call home
Or a more fitting name
House

There's a key to a room
And that room is mine

I do not live alone
I am not old enough
I live with my parents
And my brother
And a pet
Although
I wish to have two

So why is there a key to your room?

Well because
You see

Once upon a time ago
My own father
Stole my soul

Roses
They are
Simple
Yet abstract

Black
The colour of death
Of pain
But also of mystery
Yet rare to find a rose
Of such a colour

Red
The colour of love
But the colour of blood
And anger
Oh so common
But what does it mean
That these are in correlation
To one another

White
The colour of peace
The colour of emptiness
Of
Nothing
So
Is peace only reachable
By being empty?

Pink
The colour of playful
Of innocent
Yet also of the weak
What could this mean?

Blue
The colour of calmness
Yet also of sad
So is your sadness calming?
Or is the calming feeling sad?

Let me go
Set me free

I'm tired
Of me
Of others
Of everything

I'm tired of being woken up by yelling
It's damaging my soul
And taking away my sanity

I'm tired of not getting any trust
It makes me feel as if all I do is wrong
And it's making me restrain all that is me

I'm tired of craving touch
All it ever does is remind me of the thing's he's done
And it's stealing my innocence over
And over
Again
And again
Day in and day out

Let me be
Set me free
Stop everything from continuing to
Damage me

Questions here

Questions there

Questions in my head

Questions in my heart

Questions tearing me apart

About john

Then Paxton

Then others

John
Why don't you love me?
Why dont you want me?
Have I ever hurt you?
Am I too much?
Do you like them?
Why do you wanna do stuff with me?
Are you moving on?

Paxton
Will you always love me?
Are you losing feelings?
Why do you talk about others so much now?
Am I too clingy?
Am I too jealous?
Are you lying?
Why are you less honest?

To the others
Did you ever like me?
Why don't you ever talk to me anymore?
Now that I've left am I just a memory?
Do you see me or just my broken?
Am I a person or a scar and a cut?
Why don't you notice?

To myself
Why do you do this?
Why can't I eat?
Why can't I feel?
Why do I switch?
Why do I smile when I cry inside?
Why am I always pretending?
Why do I love so easily?
Whats wrong with me?
Leave me be

Will you leave me like the others?
Thats whats going through my mind

But
I dont want to lose you
Like I lost them

Because you treat me right
You dont just throw me to the side
And give me attention when its convenient for you

You dont want me for my body and you tell me no when I need to hear it
Even if I dont want to

But this all scares me
And today
I let it slip
And I told you the truth
I told you I love you

I didnt want to
Not because I dont want to love you
Because I do
You're a better person than alot

But
Now that I've told you
The urge to push tou away is much stronger
Because what if I get attached again?
What if I become completely infatuated?
But then you leave?

And that thought is scaring me

Leave my heart
You're tearing it apart
And you sit right in the middle
Taking down the walls
One for every two I build

Leave my thoughts
Because you occupy every one
And if you stay I'm gonna hurt someone
But I think I already have

Leave me please
Because I can't bear my feelings
But even if you do I might not be able to

I don't want you to go
But you hurt me

I don't want you to go
But you use me

I don't want you to go
But this is unhealthy

So as much as I love you

Please just leave me

And don't return
When you miss me

I love you
Yeah
I said it
And I know I've said it before
But I no longer say it to you
Because
You aren't sure you want to be more than a thing
Ever
So I'll just keep it in my head

Everytime I text you I feel my heart constrict
I love you
And loving you hurts me

But
I'm going to fight
For you
And I'm not giving up
Not until you find someone else

I wanna see every smile that crosses your face
I wanna hear every laugh that passes your lips
I wanna help with every tear
Every sad thought that passes your way

I want to make you happy
But I'm not sure I'll be the one to do that

But I won't give up
Not yet

You set me free but at the same time I hold back

Every time I see you smile I wanna say I love you
Everytime I make you laugh I wanna say I love you
Everytime you frown I wanna say I love you
Everytime I look into your eyes that hold all the emotions I wanna understand
I wanna whisper I love you

But I can't say it out loud
So I'll say it silently

I'll say it to myself before I fall asleep
I'll say it to myself when I wake up
I'll say it to myself on those lonely nights when I stare up at the moon
Wishing you could hear me
And maybe say it back

But for now
I'll wait

You hurt me
But I love you
So I'll fight

Your name to me is dad
Or father
But thats not how it feels in reality

I dont want to call you that
And it physically hurts me to
Because of all you've put me though

My pain stems from you
My tears stem from you
My heartbreaks stem from you

Every broken part of me is because of you

You touched me one night
And stole my innocence

You hit me one time
And stole my confidence

You shame me for the friends i make
Just because of race
Or maybe because they arent strong
Arent smart
They aren't good enough to you

And by doing that you make me afraid to hang out with them
Because if i do
Im afraid

Im afriad you'll hate on them
Or maybe ryu will

Im afraid you'll call me stupid
Or *******
Or any other thing
Just because they dont fit your standards

You make me afriad
Not of others
But of you
And i have a good reason to be

So no
You are no longer father
You are no longer my dad

You are no longer my family
You're just a name in the wind

Why everytime theres a smile on my face does it have to be erased?

Why everytime I make a friend does someone make me feel like it shouldnt be?

Why everytime I laugh does someone have to discriminate me?

Why
Is
The
World
Against
Me?

Look at me
No
That's not what I mean
I mean really
Look at me and see that when you look me in the eye
All there is are forbidden tears
Look at me without long sleeves
Then maybe you'll see the harm I do
See
Don't just look

Because you seem to think I'm fine
And you ignore all the pathetic lies
You ignore me because

"I'm fine :)"

But what does I'm fine really mean?
It means I'm begging someone to care
I'm begging for love
But I can't say that
I can't show that
Because if I do

"All you want is attention"

But no
I want genuine
I'm sick of fake
I'm sick of people seeing how bad my arms now are
And just saying

"I'm sorry"

Like that helps
But it doesn't
Because I'm sick of pity

All I want is someone to hold me
Without saying a word

Theres something about you
Theres something there
That's just
Different

When you hugged me I felt like I was meant to be there
I felt like I belonged
Theres just something right about you

When you looked me in the eye I felt safe
I felt like I no longer had to worry
Theres just something right about you

When you kissed me I felt free
I felt like I could stay like that forever
Theres just something right about you

Theres just something
Something that tells me yes
Its telling my heart
Its telling my mind
And its telling my soul
Its saying yes
And theres no doubt in me that you're the right one
The one I was meant to go through the pain for
The one I was meant to meet

But
That scares me
So hopefully
I don't push you away

I wonder why schools teach us past
Not present

They teach us old
Rarely new

They never ask us what we want to do
They dont base what they teach
On who we want to be

They teach us the things they 'think' we need
All the while disregarding who we are
Individually

They base our grades on how much we pay attention
But if you're like me
Too creative to follow standards
Too creative to be the same as every other person
Your mind won't focus
It'll wander

I wonder why we have to all be the same
Why we have to 'fit in'
In order
To be noticed
In order
To be "cool"

The world is teaching us that in order to succeed
We must be the same
As every other person before us

But I will not live by society's teachings

You go from tired
To dying

You go from not wanting to eat
To not being able to

You go from not wanting to wake
To staying in bed all day

You go from skipping a shower every few days
To showering
Maybe once a month

You go from unmotivated
To incapable

You went from tired to dying
And no one noticed

I
Am going from tired to dying
And everyone around
Chooses to ignore
The look in my eyes
Or more so
The look that's not there

The wait starts to fade

You may be asking
The wait for what?

The wait for happiness
The wait for a real smile

The wait for these things
Is starting to fade

Soon I will no longer have to wait
And that's
Because of you

You have started gathering
The broken pieces of my heart
And so far
You have about half

And right now
I'm hoping
One day
You'll have them all

Then piece me back together

You broke me

You broke me with your words
And you broke me with your gaze

You told me you loved me
Then became distant for days

You broke me with your habits
And addictions

You took my heart
And wrapped it in flames

Maybe you thought that
Would warm it back up
But all it did
Was burn it apart
And now it's in ashes
So I can't fix it
Because

You
Broke
Me

Eternally

Confused
That is what I am
About everything
That has to do with you

Because I know
You will never want me
Because I'm not your type
Nor am I a typical girl

But even so
I have to say this
Because if I don't
I'll end up telling you everything

Your smile is like a cold
It's contagious if you get too close
But unlike a cold
It draws you in

Your voice is like the sun
It fills me with warmth
But the minute it's gone
I become cold again

You hugged me one time
And it was like nothing before
Every bad feeling just flew out the door
That's when I knew I loved you
But I cant say a thing

So
I will observe you in painful silence
And cherish every word
Every gesture
Every glance
Every feeling
Hoping one day
It won't just be me
Feeling this way
But I know that's just a stupid fantasy

So every night
And every morning
I'll stay in silence
And put on a mask of false hope
And cover my mouth with restraining lies
Until one day I falter

Until that day I will lay awake
Every night
Thinking of you
Because you occupy my every thought
And keep me awake with thoughts of being called yours
And
Every morning
I'll wake up tired
But with hope that
Maybe I'll see you today
Maybe
Just maybe

I’m falling
Not physically
But mentally

I know you want to catch me
I know you want to save me
But you can’t anymore

I have fallen too far
I have fallen
Past the ground
Past the clouds

Wait-
That’s up

I thought you said you were falling?
I am

I’m not falling down though
I’m falling up
Because I have fallen so far down
I have gone past the middle
And started falling up

Now
I am up
In space
And I can’t breath here

Physically I am still here
In my bed
At my house
With my dog

But mentally I’m in a void with just me
Nothing else
Just me and the darkness that holds me captive

Physically I can move
Mentally I’m stuck

Physically I can scream
But mentally I’m held back

Physically I can speak
But mentally all I can speak of
Is the easy
Never the true

Physically I’m alive
But mentally
I’m

LOST

Hey
I say

Two hours later
Or maybe even more
You reply
You say
I was busy
I say ok
We talk for maybe thirty mins
Then once again
You say you have to go

Where have you been going?
That's what I wanna ask
But I don't wanna be one of those clingy *** girlfriends
That no one wants

But that's who I am
So why don't I show it?
Because I mean I already have
But even so I still try to hide it

But please
Tell me why
And tell me where
You have been going
Cause you have been distant lately

Youre getting
Further
And further
And further
Away

We used to hang out almost every day
But it was two weeks before friday
So how long will the wait be
This time?

It's already been two days
Which isn't bad
But the longer I wait
The more I get sad
Because the longer I wait
The more I feel you will leave
And find someone better
And I'll never know where you met her

Distant
So
So
So
Distant
But why?

You told me yesterday
And since then all I wanna do is cry

Because it's my fault
And now I don't know how to fix it
So im sorry
But im breaking my promise
Cause the only thing that'll make me calm
Is the splitting of skin
And the smell of sin
As blood drips down along and around my wrist

Along with every forgotten wish

I say
Sorry

I get no reply
Because you're busy

One day
I'll saygoodbye
But once again
I'll get no reply
And you'll be too late

You tell me
You won't ever leave

But that's what everyone else said too
But then I ended up losing them
The way I don't ever wanna lose you

But hey if I do lose you
I'll be okay
Or at least that's what I'll tell myself
Before I fade away

So hey
You tell me you won't ever leave me
And you ask me to never leave you

But one day
I'll be afraid
Your drifting away

So I'll say goodbye
Before you can
Then I'll cry
Because of me
And not because of you

Because
If it's my fault
It'll hurt less

But if it's your fault
I'll wanna put you through a test

What test?
Well
Let's just say

If you leave I'm gonna test
How long can you last?
How long can you withstand my words?
How long until you falter under the words I speak?
How long until you can't stand me repeating the lies you said?
How long until you break?

Because I know just the right things to say
To make you fade away
The way you made me

So please don't leave me
Cause I don't wanna hurt you
But if you do
That's what I'll have to do