He came to the realization
far too late
he would still never be
good enough
or enough
for those he loved.
Always missing something
they were looking for.
A means to an end
not an end in himself.
A stepping stone,
a wrung,
an asset.
Used again  
used for love,
all used up.
Hung from the tree
he grew to trust.
A cycle that turns him
back to dust.

Always an option,
nothing more.
Always on call,
but gets a closed door.
No one hears,
bleeding out on the floor.
Always cautious,
around their chaos.
Smiles all day,
inside he feels lost.
Death sounds nice,
despite the cost.
Sounds better than this,
  mind's fire and frost.

Mens mental health month
came and went without a word
swept under the rug.

Sol beats down on my body
all day.
The wind howls,
the sweat drips,
the sand sticks
to everything
A dizzying clear sky
no clouds
no cover
no respite.
And on the inside
my mind is ablaze
punishing me
as the cogs and the gears grind and nash.
Thoughts that feel like
self immolation
cling to me.
There is no water that
can quench the flames.
The only way out is to suffocate.
**** the brain.

You are all I want
Forever and always yours
Till death do us part

"I love you more"

To most,
a fun, back and forth.
friendly, sarcastic,
couples, kidding.

To me
it's painful
and true
because the things you do
show me
Im not a priority
like I make you.
I'm replaceable
just another male
to fill the time,
And the space.
When I'm gone
I hope his world revolves
around you
like mine does,
and will.
I hope
you are first
in his heart and mind
as you are in mine.
And I hope he makes you happy
In my involuntary absence

So, yes
I do love you more.
I can tell.
Please dont ask me
how I know.

Ive been dreaming lately
of things I haven't dreamt about
in quite some time,
its been awhile.
With sand pressed to my back
and the open sky above
stars cast like dust and gems.
Dreams of cold nights,
ocean tides,
stolen kisses on bench swings.
The wind blowing through our clothes.
Waves crashing on the shore.
Moments only saved
in memory
til that too
fades.