"I love you more"

To most,
a fun, back and forth.
friendly, sarcastic,
couples, kidding.

To me
it's painful
and true
because the things you do
show me
Im not a priority
like I make you.
I'm replaceable
just another male
to fill the time,
And the space.
When I'm gone
I hope his world revolves
around you
like mine does,
and will.
I hope
you are first
in his heart and mind
as you are in mine.
And I hope he makes you happy
In my involuntary absence

So, yes
I do love you more.
I can tell.
Please dont ask me
how I know.

Ive been dreaming lately
of things I haven't dreamt about
in quite some time,
its been awhile.
With sand pressed to my back
and the open sky above
stars cast like dust and gems.
Dreams of cold nights,
ocean tides,
stolen kisses on bench swings.
The wind blowing through our clothes.
Waves crashing on the shore.
Moments only saved
in memory
til that too
fades.

All he needed
was safe harbor
a place that would always
be there
when he came back
no matter the storms
no matter how broken his ship,
how torn his sails,
it would be there.
Giving him the strength
and security
he needed
to be able to leave
again.

And you knew
that it made my insides spill
when you'd do what you do
when you're lonely.
You knew it made me feel
like I was on fire,
mouth sewn shut.
You knew,
but your satisfaction
takes priority
over my security.
But I knew
that no one really cared
all along
anyway.