it is that time of the night again
when nothing but rabid thoughts
swamp every recess of my mind

it is that time of the night again
where i contemplate taking either
my own life or a cigarette from my pocket

it is that time of the night again
where i am forever plagued
by these three words

i.
am.
sorry.

The minuets float by one by one
And I keep thinking
What have I done?

The blood rushes down to meet my fingers
The pain is gone,for now
But the thoughts still linger

Shot follows shot.
Drinks on drinks.
Baccardi courses through my bloodstream.
I'm drowning in ***** and in my memories of you.  
And the acid burning its way to my stomach,
Is easier to handle than the hollow feeling when I'm sober.

The pain,
do you know it?
where your stomach's turning somersaults,
don't tell me you don't know it,
that feeling,
where snakes inhabit your stomach,
they're wriggling and reeling,
Bad dreams have pursued you,
into the shadows,
where pain once lived,
indignantly.
And from the other side you storm,
more confidence,
feeling strong!
(C) Livvi

i am just
trying to
forget you
and
my stupid heart
is playing vice versa
           -cute crazy-

I cut myself on the future
I thought of kissing your picture
I detached myself from
lullabies and sorry eyes
only to realize:

I want to make love to you in November,
just before the empty of December.
Where snow blankets
and suffocating leaf-beds
aren't the only dreams
to fall asleep in our heads.

I could hear your voice trip
as my hands started to drip
around your hips and thighs-
You could tranquilize
with your lips and byes.

You look so sleepy-headed
Many words I have threaded
to weave a dream
desperately
but you prefer my
reality.

i must remind myself:

you don't disappear
simply because you
close your eyes
and see nothing but
black.

you disappear when
you hold your breath
and everything shifts
into black.

death is in
the illusion of choice
and i am severed
within its guilt:

i must remind myself.
i won't disappear simply
because i close my eyes
and see nothing but black.