And every shade of purple
I placed for you
I replace with blue

I didn’t know how well I memorized
Every inch of your skin
Until i didn’t have you

I cannot sleep
I simply have no time
My brain is reserved
For missing you

And there it is again
The reckoning, the weight that’s been torched in flames and placed into my stomach
Which heat fills my throat with air and feels like fire
It is the reckoning, the consequence of my own Ill-action
My fear isn’t making reality, but the reality is that I can’t control my fear
And if the person who saved this life slips from the water between my cupped hands,
There won’t be enough to put out the fire

The reckoning
The consequence
Of my own actions

You’ve got flames on your fingertips,
Water in your tongue.
You light me on fire, and put me out, love.

I fall deeper and deeper,
Hypnosis and trust.
You are love
You are patient
You are kind
You are sweet  
Releasing heat into my life
And calmness in my seas.
My breathing becomes slower,
And I’ve been on my knees.
For you hold this power over me,
Emotionally.
And it’s fine.
You are the beauty that God created
And ignoring or denying the holiness
Up above
And the saint he created
Would be nothing but ignorance.
Every inch of you is something to love
And I pray everyday that you stay.

Stay.

I feel like I’ve been waiting forever,
My soul is old.
This brief eternity hasn’t showed me half of what it has for me
But I know that in this time
I’ve been shown what love is by you.

On my day,
Play the fiddle as I’m lowered.
Watch the sun go down, but not in anger.
Watch the moon rise,
As she collects a new night to watch unfold.
Walk away with straight backs and high chins,
And don’t come back til you’ve had your rest.

When I die do not blame your crafting hands
As they couldn’t do what you wanted.
Nothing will stop my judgement day.
When I die, keep that head high,
As my memory is lowered,
Into a place in your heart.
There is no time to weep.
So when you hear that fiddle,
Grant me this one wish.

I wanted you
To love
To care for
To show you
How it felt.
I wanted to feel it with you.
And as I stare at everyone else,
I remember you.
Spent too much time figuring out
What I did wrong,
I forgot to move on.

The waves of these oceans
Crash upon my drowning body.
Seeing patterns in the sun,
Slowly slipping from the reality
I've been placed in.

As water fills my lungs, I dig for open land
But water fills my open hands,
And I know what to expect.

Let's dissect this thought process.
I understand now that my slowly slipping mind will leave me drowning in the fear
Of peers fearing for me.
I'll begin to Forget things they said,
And things I love as this insanity consumes me.

This desire for connection is insatiable
Because the connections I choose
To wrap my greedy hands around
Are as bad off as me
And if I can't love myself,
How am I to love someone just like me?