Sorry you are no longer here. If only I could talk to you and let you know how much you really are loved. If only we were allowed do overs.  To take back words that I know hurt you. If only I could have that last phone call we had, only this time I would not hang up on you. If only I could talk to you again and be the friend I should have been. If only.

I met my soulmate. She didn't.

Tattoos are supposed to be permanent.
They are supposed to stay in your life forever.
You were mine and I was yours.

But last I found out,
You drew me with a pen.
And with time you let me fade.
Replacing me with another name.

If you lie and I believe, just as long as I'm breathing, I'll stay.

And if you fall I'll pick you up and if I call you dont pick up I'll stay.

And if you're too moody to talk,
If I finally feel like giving up.
I'll keep in mind that I'm no better.
Its just one of those days.

But your lies were beautiful, they kept me intact.
They held me tight When I was being attacked.
And there's lots of people in this world, but you're an alien I know,
you're an angel dressed as a demon and I was the monster that needed healing.

I was a dog, alone and cold,
abused and scared of this big old world. But you were the light,
you guided me,
introducing me to prayers and anxiety.

i feel for you a tender feeling
i wish i could crush inside my palm
          to have and to hold,
not even a baby bird is so fragile
                  from this day forward,
cradled in shaking cupped hands
not yet, not yet
i repress the urge to smother,
                       for better, for worse,
fix my gaze as it starts to scream, contort
into the thing i wait, poised, to ****
            for richer, for poorer,
used to wait for the day i could proclaim
                   in sickness and in health,
with every conviction and fibre of my being
that it is real and it is good
          to love and to cherish
not anymore, i think
inhibition mechanism, top-notch
i file my nails and sharpen my teeth
hold my breath and count back from ten
once this ends
     till death do us part
i go in for the ****