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I’ve been caressed and loved, Many a time before. But this.
This is my ecstasy.
This moment.
This memory now.


I could not have crafted any more beautiful moment.
There were so many different paths I could have traveled
in order to arrive at this most wonderful paradise,
but I look behind me and smile at the road I have taken.
For this exact path,
is what brought me to the wonderful perfection
that has come into reality.
There were so many different events that may have come into being from my own mind and heart,
but what has come to me is more beautiful than a full moment.
Its briefness is what makes it so dazzling.
That fleeting moment of extraordinary and wonderful.
It was the glimpse of flawlessness that my heart needed to fall.
It was subtle and soft, such as a wilting blossom just touched by the morning dew,
still tender and fragile,
but still a beauty in its own form.
There was perfection.
There was paradise.
It was that moment,
and that moment is ours.
On a constant repeat in my mind,
never wanting this feeling of wonder to ever fade.
Although the moment was brief,
I was awake and aware.
Ready to cling on the the perfection
that I knew
would only last an instant.
I wonder if it was perhaps,
as lovely as I have imagined it to be.
But perhaps it’s better to perceive the amazement where there doesn’t call for any,
than to have never felt it at all.
This exquisiteness is a gift,
either from the God of Love
or the God of Fools,
or even perhaps, the God of Hope.
Whichever you pick,
I keep it locked away in my heart.
Safe from the torment of the conscious mind and the world of doubt.
It remains there,
as a light shining for me to feel,
and perhaps,
for all to see.
That moment.
That will be mine, forever.
Do Not Look Down.

Just close your eyes and
Jump off of this cliff of hurt and despair.
Let us dissolve on our way into the depth.
Leaving only our hearts and souls to remain.
To intwine with the river's peace and the autumn's life.
We can leave the world for just a brief respite.
Together. Breathing for the first time in
What seems like an eternity of holding
Our breath. Smile together
In just our short period of perfect bliss.
Open your heart to the fall, because your
Faith and your Trust, will make you soon
Discover that you are flying away with me, into our valley.
Look over as we float, fly,into our valley.
Holding our hands tight. With Love. With
Fear. And as we land, softly in our serene
Glen, you'll glance over, and our
Hands are still wrapped tight, but the
Fear, is replaced with Wonder and Love.
And we grow together, in our little
Paradise. And there is only us. Melting away in our little valley.
I am at the edge of this cliff.
Staring down at what could be my death
for certain
if I am to jump.
I stare down at the river
following the chromium streams
meeting my eyes with your own.
Seeing your smiling face.
Eyes sparkling bright.
Smiling all the way to your kind eyes.
Waving your strong hands.
Calling me forth to you.

I Swallow Deep.
Palms Sweaty.
Step Back.
Bite my tongue.
Squeeze my eyes closed.
Shut tight.
All I can see is you.
Your friendly smile.
Your strong arms.

And I leap.
Leap Hard.
Leap Strong.

And I fall.

I can feel the wind whipping through my hair.
Past my Ears.
All around me.
Swallowing me up.
Screaming in my ears.
Making me ever so aware.
Of My Mortality.
My Fragile Heart..

The wind whips faster.
My Heart Beats Louder.

I'm Spinning.
Turning.
Flailing.
Like a ragdoll
Thrashing through the wind.
At the elements' mercy.
Pushing and Pulling.
Shoving and Tugging.
Throughout the air.
But all I can do.
Is Squeeze my eyes tighter.
Breathe a little deeper.
Think of your smile.
Your Sanctuary Arms.

And before I can understand what has happened
I've plunged deep.
I finally open my eyes.
Peering all around.
Where I am.
Where I've broken my fall.

Am I gone?
No longer with the living soulds.
Why?
Why do I feel stifled and suffocated?
I look around.
I stop at light.
I push myself towards it.
Unsure of how I'm moving
or Even what direction I'm migrating towards.
But, nonetheless, moving.
To the Light.
To the Warmth.
Just as I don't know if my fragile being could stand it anymore.
I break the surface.

I breathe deep.
I'm alive.
I'm breathing.

But you.
You are no where to be found.
I silently scream your name.
Searching.
Peering around.
I search and search.
Shaking.
Quivering.
Fearing what reality has brought to me.

I scream and yell.
Searching still.
All Day.
All Night.
Til my fight is gone.
My search ceases.
Grief sets in.
The heart breaks.
And I am alone.

So, I sit down in the quietest meadow.
And weep.
Then, the weeping ceases.
The screams begin again.
Anger and Rage Now.
Then, the screams, too, go silent.

And I lie down and
Stare at the sky.
Looking at the stars.
Listening to the water's whisper.
Feeling the silken grass against my back.

Breathing.
Quivering.
Accepting.

Being alone in the meadow.
But enjoying all that is left.
All that is bequeathed to me.
The meadow that is peace.

The only solace to the shattered mess that is
My Heart.
My Mind.
My Soul.

But the waters whisper comfort.
The Stars show light, in this time,
Dark as Onyx.
Tracing the lines on my skin.
With the soft comforts of this meadow within a valley.

The Pain.
The Meadow.
The Comfort.

All from you.

All for me.
Angels feel to a devils touch,
Who could know i could feel so much,
from one so empty and dark inside?

Thought it felt so right it was truly wrong.
You entrapped me with your false love's song,
You burned away the tears I'd cry.

The imaginary love you'd give as a reward,
When I only gave and you just took more,
During our time in a fake stage of bliss.

Dying inside every lonesome day,
Pleading that it could remain this way,
Imperfectly perfect, a bittersweet kiss.

A distant memory, it only remains,
though my heart still bares the painful stains
of your loving ruse.

Now I walk away feeling stronger than before,
Ready for whatever the world has in store,
But still aware of the broken heart shaped bruise.
An Old One
My life is not your little garden of flowers to pick and

Pluck parts of me from.

Love Me, Love Me Not, Love Me, Love Me Not, Love Me, Love Me Not,
Love Me.

I can't Smile happily as I watch you approach with your greedy hands
Empty once more.

How am I supposed to Smile while you Peel away my layers of

Good Intentions.

It gets old Waiting on a Maybe
And thats the only word that
Tastes Good
To You

You Breathe Fires of "Perhaps"

You ***** Potentials and Possibilities

You Craft Nooses of Love and Affection

Why is it that you begin writing love letters
And
Create Spears Crafted with
Loving Hands?

Why is it that your words are
Purple
With Poison?

They are thrown out and
Spatter
Like Blood.

Leaving your own crime scene of
Confused Tears
That Beg for More
Behind You.

Why?!

Just Tell Me What
Broke
Inside of you that you feel like
Your Sticky Games
Hold You Together

Why is your stomach always
Hungry
when I offer you the Food off of my Plate

What is Fading the Color from your Eye?  

That Grey is not
Indigenous
to the Eyes that I
Memorized and Learned.

How has your picture faded?

Why can't I just
Paint them back The Way They
Were
?

Maybe, Only Because
God
Didn't
Give
Me
The
Right
Colors

Why Then, Do I Spend
Day and Night
Mixing and Remixing

To Find the Perfect Shade of your
Joy

Maybe you just aren't
My Masterpiece
To Create
&
You Will Never Be
Finished
While the Brush is Still In
My Hand

Maybe All Along it has been
My Hand
that Held the
Knife that Scarred Me...
Maybe Not You After All

Oh Maybe Maybe  Maybe

How I Hate its Non-Commital Nature.
It ***** Knowing it's over.
Yeah, we kiss sometimes.
No , sorry we kiss all the time.

He does hold my hand.

Sometimes he even says I love you.

He's my boyfriend... Because I was single.

I'm his now all because of you.

I was single cuz you broke up with me You broke up with me cuz you didn't want me You didn't want me cuz you were all done with me "for now."

You were the one Jumping into freedom

and then you drowned in it.

You were so excited to be "single" that you forgot your fear of being alone.

You swore it wasn't over.

Please Tell Me what you meant by "Let's Break Up"

Please Tell Me what the month of silence and ignorance meant to you.

Please Tell Me how "I just can't do this anymore" translates to anything but "We're all done here."

Please Tell Me why your words speak a different language that only you have the dictionary for.

Please don't tell me it was all temporary
because your words were dripping with tears of permanence.

Don't tell me it wasn't supposed to last.

I didn't know Good Bye was synonymous for I love you.

Because in my dictionary
Love is a Verb
and Those actions and your words do not hold up.

They're flimsy in the wind blown by the hot air you blow around.

They crumbled under my feet as I trudged on to a future where good-bye Bleeds and Love
is Sore from all of the deeds it performs.

You can swear love up and down the walls of your new home

But I've come to realize your words are more temporary than our parting ever was.

You only meant for...

meant for...
meant for...
meant for...

Oh that's right you only meant for me to wait patiently

You only meant for me to stay frozen with the smile that you could tell was really empty without you.

Well News Flash: My Heart Takes Up Rooms

Since you're so much smarter and wiser you know that matter can neither be created nor destroyed

and the Explosion only spreads it further.

So I hope this means you understand that
This Heart is painted on your walls and
This Heart is spattered over your memory and
This Heart gives a love that infects and
This Heart is too busy pumping divinity into this world that it will

Never leave me empty.

It will Never be me who jumped too soon over a threshold that wasn't there.
It will Never be me who left something behind that I couldn't afford to lose.

No it will Never be me who put the live ******* the backburner only to see she has crawled away while I brewed a new life for myself.

Stop You Say?
Stop You Say?
Wait You Say?

Wait for What, I ask.

For Simon to say Freeze?
For Simon to say Hold?
For Simon to say Pause?
Notice Simon never says Please.

Well I'm here to ask you, who the **** made you Simon?

Who made you the banker in the monopoly on who could live my life.

I think your ears heard the wrong thing when I held your hand and said

You were it.

I should have known better but then again
I didn't know we were playing a game.

But as always, the games have concluded and I ask Where's Your Medal, My Dear?

Is it under the new clothes that you've decided are your style now?

Is it hiding under her tongue?

Is it Wrapped around that bottle that you swore you'd never touch.

Are they in the eyes of the New friends you've known forever.

Sorry... 6 Months.

Well Pardon me for not being blinded at the Shimmer of your Participation Medal

But I'm too busy holding the purple heart you left me with.

I'm too busy weaving Gold into the fingers of my loved ones.

I'm wrapping a gold chain around his neck as a new promise that we will both win Together

A Sign of a Team Rather than Opponents.

Do tell me why, though, that you felt a need to win when I never wanted to keep score in the First Place.

It all gets so vicious in between those "Temporary" Words and False Actions.

Let this be a Lesson.

Watch your words closely.

Don't Let them run away with you because one day they might tattoo themselves into your shoulder.

That Chip that you can Never brush off.

And then it won't matter if you said them in Flowery Purple Wording because those words will be the ones that Scar you.

Purple will look a lot like defeat
And You'll understand that the
Tin you've traded your Gold for is corroding before you.

Please Do excuse me for mining for a more precious action to go with Love

Pardon my resistance to swallow your false intentions.

Please Forgive me But I Need to

Go Live My Life.
I think I might be allowed one bitter break up poem.

— The End —