Happiness is brief.
Held in the grasp,
until reminded once more,
of what was lost,
and what can never be the same.
I'm trying to stay positive,
I'm trying not to be scared.

*It's not working

This tiny apartment,
snug as a coffin,
claustrophobic as a tomb,
just large enough
to be a staging area
for the real thing.

It all starts small.
I don't want to do my homework.
I don't want to go to school.
I don't want to see my family.
I don't want to see my friends.
I don't want to go out.
I don't want to have fun.
I don't want to get dressed.
I don't want to eat.
I don't want to get out of bed.
I don't want to wake up.
I don't want to live.

I'm scared.
I'm scared one day I won't see the light I see now.
I'm scared something will tip me off and I'll go far off the edge.
I've escalated once, I don't want to go back.
I'm terrified.
Please if you're out there,
Don't let me off this earth.
I don't want to go

I lay in bed listening to the rain
Falling against my windowpane
Soothing but still I cannot sleep
All I can do is think and weep

I wonder when did I get like this
Constantly thinking of those I miss
Worrying about how I’ll end up
Draining the coffee from my cup

It’s 2 AM now I think think think
Further into myself I sink sink sink
My bed is cold and filled with tears
I Feel like I’ve been awake for years

Insomnia has gotten the best of me
My eyes are open, but I barley see
The world is fuzzy through my eyes
Each night another piece of me dies